Alice Abernathy's Questionnaire

[Alice sits quietly, demurely.  She was used to being interrogated.  She didn't know the person doing it now, but she didn't know most of them.]

"I don't know where we are.  Somewhere in a forest.  I think based on the sun the southern hemisphere?  But.. I don't know.  I live here because this is where I have always lived.  I am not allowed to leave."

She looks up for a moment, nervous, hoping they would accept that as a factual answer, and not become offended in some way.  The interviewer - she couldn't actually quite make them out - were her eyes going? - speaks softly.   "Be honest, Alice.  There won't be any recriminations here."

[Alice didn't really have a choice.]

"...I don't like it here.  Even if it's gotten better since Rose was here.  It's better.  But it's going back to how it was before, with the scientists and the pain and...."

I don't have money.

I am given what I am given, and I don't have what I am not given.

Well...

[Alice looks up at the interviewer again.  She shouldn't say any more.  Couldn't.  And yet, she felt she must.]

"Other than what I take.  The scientists... they don't believe I'm anything.  They don't think I have the ability to do anything.  So.. sometimes, when they're not paying attention, I take things.  Little tools that they think I'm not smart enough to watch them, to know how they work.  I can copy  them.  I can make them work.  And I have.

I just want to have somewhere safe to be.  Somewhere I don't have to be afraid, somewhere I don't have to hide and be hurt and... and be an object.

I.. that's what they promised me.  And they gave it for a little bit, but it's going away.  So .. I think I need to do something to make it myself.  And it's hard.  But I have to, right?  No one else is going to do it for me.  That's silly.

So I'll... I'll go... I think I can do it.  They don't care.  They'd kill me without a second thought.  It  isn't fair.  So.. why shouldn't I be willing to hurt them?

I come close to death every day.  What's a little more?

I don't know.  I don't really remember my life before.. all of this.

I know it existed, vaguely.   I have faint memories of a family.  A good family.  Being happy. 

But then there was the fire, and the men who took me, and... then the darkness, and the pain.  The change.  I wasn't born like this.

[Alice looks down at her furred paw, making a fist for a moment before releasing it.  She curls her tail around her hips, starting to pet it.]

"They made me like this.  So.. it changed me.  A lot.  I can never go back to what I was. Maybe I can make something of what I am now."

Kel.  She's the girl in the cell across from me.   I guess she arrived at about the same time I did.  They turned her into a ferret.  She's cute.  She's nice.  She's my best friend, and... I don't know.  We talk a lot at night.  There's not much for us to do otherwise.  She's a little jealous about some of the stuff I got, but I try to sneak her anything I can.  I don't know what I'd do without her.

Dr. Scott.  They're... they're the lead scientist for my floor. They're.. not a good person.   I don't like them.  They're mean, and... and I don't know. They treat me mean.  And he... likes... I don't know.  I don't want to talk about it. 

Mel.  He.. I don't know.  I haven't know him that well.  I don't even know him that well at all.  I met him on one of the times they sent me out, and... and he's a good person.  He's nice.  He tried to save me from having to come back here, and he said they'd save me. 

This question isn't fair. Why would you ask that?

[Alice just stares at the interviewer.  In some abstract way, she's aware that they're just an outline, a form of a shadow.  But like in a dream, she's not really aware of it.   Her breath comes faster, tears appearing in the corners of her eyes.  She wanted to leave, but she couldn't leave.  Couldn't.]

I... I had a good childhood, I think.  Before.  Before they took me.  And then I had a bad childhood.   I.. vaguely remember my parents.  They were nice.  They were good.  The men came and offered them money for me.  And they said no.  And then there was the fire, and the men took me anyways.  And then there was the needles and the pain and everything.  They violated me.  And they were righteous as they did it.

The ones who did it are dead now.  I'm safe.  Alpha saved me.  Saved us all.  He's my father, now.  To all of us, really.

Um... I guess I'm afraid of a lot of things.  But my worst fear is being locked up again.  Being experimented on.  Having the scientists strap me down, and touch me, and poke me with the needles, and hurt me.  I'd die before I let that happen to me again.   And.. it hurts, being able to imagine it.  Whatever I did to myself has helped my mind, and it's sharp.  So sharp. My memory is perfect since it, and... thankfully, it's not perfect retroactively.  I wouldn't want to remember what happened to me like that.  But it is now.  And I can imagine things so quickly.

It's raining outside right now.  And I can look out the window and watch it.  For years I... didn't see the sun.  Didn't see the rain or hear it.  And it's so beautiful.  And I'll never go back to that.  Being in the windowless room and time just being measured by when they come and when they put me back. 

My other fear, that.. I don't know.  That is much more real, is my mind going. Rose said it would.  And.. and I swear I can feel it nibbling at me, every time I take a little bit longer to think I swear I can feel it. 

Um... well, a couple of months ago I didn't really have any possessions. 

Since then.. The little prototyper I stole.  It... it's useful.  Very useful.  It lets me change people.  Change myself. And it maybe lets me save my people.  That's what I'm counting on.  As long as I have the necessary reagents and precursors.  It has everything integrated into it that I need to change myself, or others like me, or even normal people.  It's not rated for that, but I've found out how to make it work that way.  It's kind of elegant, really.  Even if it's painful to feel it used.  It sucks even to use it on someone else.  You can feel it buck in your paws when you use it.  But.. but I know it's worth it, in the end.  I can feel the changes it made.  Even if some of the ones I've done with it are more risky than they should be.