Ibzan Diesirae's Questionnaire

Big Fan of Illinois. When you get out of the Chicago Area, its actually quite nice. O' course, I say this as if crime in Chicago doesn't carry over 'ere somewhat. The work is... fine, and I mean, I ain't complainin' about what I do anytime soon. The body business is booming as long as there are dead to deal with. I just wish that it wasn't THAT booming, y'know? I swear I've seen an increase in ghosts or something with this whole supernatural stuff and all that...I try to bury a body, I look away for five seconds, and the thing is starin' right at me when I look back! Illinois is home, but somethin' just ain't right... 

Currently I'm just gettin' my cash from the gravetendin' and mortuizin', y'know? Its a dirty and icky job, but someone's gotta do it. You wouldn't BELIEVE the corpses that I have to deal with sometimes. I think I about seen it all.

Now in terms of what I do with the cash... well you gotta stay safe in Illinois somehow. I can't lie, I got a bit of a firearm collection goin', keep a revolver on me just incase one of these bodies ends up bein' a vampire in disguise with... probably some weird fetish if they're lettin' me do a whole autopsy and gravediggery do on 'em. You can never be too safe these days.

I mean.. I ain't gonna lie... I've tried doin' a couple blood rituals and stuff in the past, thinkin' it could at least get some of these specters off my hands. Almost died once 'cause one of them summoned a demon on me. I'm just glad it was like, a lesser demon, or else I woulda been cooked, y'know? Blasted straight into oblivion, literally! 'Course, demonic entities don't tend to like it when you blow their uhh... demon brains out, they tend to die. So I mean I've done a couple things, I just dunno what you folks got in mind for uhhh the whole "would you kill for it part," y'know? 'Cause I mean, I don't enjoy takin' the lives of innocents necessarily, but if they're criminals or like weirdo entity things, maybe I'd be fine.

Not a big fan of the closeness to death though.

The fireplace talked to me. NO I shit you not, I ain't crazy I SWEAR TO GOD my fireplace spoke to me! I don't even know how it happened but like, I was sittin' in my house, right? And so Its winter and I'm cold and I light the fireplace, and it freakin' SPOKE to me. I dunno how to explain it but it was like I was gettin' telepathically blasted by a guy. Told me about some sorta ritual and all that and so like... I've been doin' rituals and the sort and just learnin' about the whole death stuff from this thing. Its freaky as hell, I ain't gonna lie. Anyways that's how I learned about all this occult stuff and how I summoned that demon I was talkin' about earlier... Fireplace told me how.

Well geez, okay uhh...

We got uh, My buddy Timur... he's a uh, mechanical engineer. I ask him usually if he knows any good ways to trap a the graveyard or the morgue or somethin' In case theres some sorta issue that I gotta deal with, and he'll usually send in a mockup of somethin'. Real smart guy.

Theres uh... well theres the fireplace, I've mentioned that... Uh... I dunno what it wants with me, but it wants somethin' and its takin' REAAAAAL likin' to me. So thats kinda weird and stuff. Keeps tellin' me about some sorta place and all that, underworld stuff. Real weird.

Oh, and there's Roland too. I don't know 'em real well but he usually brings in a couple bodies. I don't ask where he gets 'em, but usually a lotta them seem to either be victims of gang violence or like, overdose. Which is... fine I guess. I don't ask about Roland much often, I just suspect he's in with some weird folks.

As a kid, I always had an odd fascination with the dead. Suppose its leaked into my life now way more than it should. Somethin' just kinda got to me. Now, I gotta preface and say that I ain't a necrophiliac, that ain't my style. I like my chicks living and breathin'. And unless I somehow do a whole 180, that'll keep bein' the case. My uh, Parents weren't a big fan of my interest. They always thought I'd be some sorta maniac. But I suppose if I'm talkin' to fireplaces, I gotta be some sorta strange. They always wanted to force me outta that interest. Lawyering, Plumbin', Codin', anything that wasn't to do with dead bodies. They didn't think it was healthy. I don't blame 'em. I had multiple encounters with the school counselor through my primary education, it scared 'em is all. Most kids didn't talk about dead bodies the way I did, and if they ever did talk about corpses, it was with disgust instead of intrigue.

I was in love once. Knew a gal, still kinda know 'em, names Evelynn. She was an interestin' type. Some folk thought of her like a vampire, some unholy creature of the night, suckin' the lifeforce outta the people she dated. Me? I didn't know much about that whole thing. We found a common interest in the strange and occult. Me for gravekeepin' reasons, her for more, lets just say, recreational stuff. Even though we were pretty close I'd say, she never felt the same way I did, and... still kinda do. But I mean, if I could've just told 'er how much she meant to me... I dunno, maybe I would've been in a worse situation? I can't tell. 

Yeah, I uh... I'm gonna be honest, I kinda fear death. I mean, Like of course people fear death, right? But y'know its kinda in a way that uhhh... Who's gonna bury me? I've spent so long buryin' and freshinin' up bodies that I kinda worry about my own. I mean, I've been doin' this for awhile and well... I don't like the idea of bein' murdered or dyin' yet. Other than that? I dunno. I mean, I guess when it comes to dyin' Its like... I- I fear it, but its also like... I've seen too much to really like... fear it or whatever. Theres a couple other things maybe that I got a fear of? But honestly I just don't got too much I'm worryin' about at the moment except for the fireplace.

Im really just hopin' my house aint haunted at this point, I fuckin' hate ghosts dude. Not in a fear way, but because everything I've done involving a ghost has been some sorta fuckin' bullshit. Im tellin' ya, ghosts? They're bastards, I'd fight a fuckin' ghost if I could... or really felt like I had the means to fight a ghost. 

There aren't any ghosts readin' these, right?

Most prized possession? I mean I got a couple things I think are cool. I've had my shovel for awhile, its been a major use in a lotta different things... mainly in the grave diggin' business. I've had it for like, a good couple years. Its one of my favorites and I ain't found much to beat it out in terms of shovelin'.  I got Evelynn's number, there's that. That's pretty special I think, she's pretty cool. But I mean other than that... Yeah, I dunno. I don't think I've got much that's really that special...

Well, except for the Lighter seems pretty important. Dunno what makes it special, but it seems special. Its like, I don't get stuff like it often, and Its probably connected to the Fireplace or whatever so... yeah.

Honestly, I suppose when you're on the literal graveyard shift half the time, anything seems special to you if you believe it is hard enough. 

Currently? That fuckin' Fireplace... that or like, I'm pretty sure, ghosts. Its either my house is haunted as hell or... actually my house is probably haunted as hell. This whole contract thing is another thing... been stabbed and beaten more times than usual because of this. Which, these medical bills are killin' me. I'm tellin' ya, if the contracts dont kill me, the bills will. 

So far, the graveyard has been pretty quiet since I started this whole contract thing. Maybe its the lighter, I carry it around everywhere these days so, maybe there's that. Corpses don't seem to move as often, and it hasn't been so cold, the chill of death no longer seems to follow me... but my fucking house is still doin' a bunch of bullshit. Doors will lock occasionally, Lights will turn off... and the fireplace will just ignite at random. I'm THINKIN' that the Fireplace is some ghost that's been hauntin' me for a while, but I dunno.

Either way, this whole things been an eye-opening experience because its like, I thought diggin' graves was bad but now its just... man its a lot.

Its a lot.

Its a simple type of existence usually. Not in any particular order: Get dressed, check my emails, yada yada yada, eat breakfast, and maybe talk to the fireplace. Then its usually down to the morgues and all that to pick up any bodies I need to pick up and then uhh, well... bury them. Sometimes there's also a funeral I need to go attend or somethin' because that's just how it is. And that's really it for the morning... unless its like, after a contract... in which case I'm either callin' a day off or I'm literally like, in the hospital which brings me WAYYYYY closer to havin' my own burial than I really want to. But, y'know its whatever.

Whenever that sorta stuff happens, I like to start writin' about stuff. Keeps me... not entirely screwed over mentally, y'know? Hell, its why I write all these damned things. Keeps me from goin' nuts.

My mama always told me to look nice, even if I'm some crazy corpse investigator or whatever... she didn't really like the whole dead body business. But that's the gist and the jam, y'know? I don't often go to a lotta special occasions. Most of the time its funerals, and I like to bring my coat. Black coat, suit underneath, the usual. Takes maybe... I dunno, a good 5 or so minutes to get that on? I got real fast at it, so it ain't that bad to do. Really gotta wonder though... I've met like, a couple contractors who just seem to wear suits all the time... how do they live? Man, that's somethin'. I mean, I started wearin' a mask and stuff recently just 'cause of the whole thing.

Makes it easier for me not to get like, murked or whatever. Real stuff. People see me gravetendin' with it on and its like... y'know, a bit odd. They ask and stuff and I just tell 'em its to keep the smell out and all that. I think they think I'm a grave robber, but I don't get enough visitors or cops comin' in to know that.

Next birthday? Depends if I survive to see it! The worst part of doin' this mortuary stuff is that you don't make many friends. And the worst part of this contract stuff is that you also... don't make many friends, plus the ones you do make, you might never see ever again. Still miss that one kid, was hopin' they'd survive. 

Anyways, I suppose I'd do somethin' like grab a drink with Timur or Roland or somethin'... well, if Roland ever gives me his number or like, talks to me. He seems cool, just like... I still dunno where the bodies are comin' from and I don't know if he just collects 'em? Or if he makes 'em.

I gotta suppose he's a collector, keepin' tabs on gang activity in chicago or somethin' but- I'm gettin' off-topic. Maybe I can try and call up Evelynn or somethin'. Maybe she wouldn't mind grabbn' a drink with me. Anything to celebrate livin' one more year.

Listen, Doc, I ain't a man that regrets much. 'cept for this whole contract thing maybe. I've been shot, beaten, stabbed, cut up by the unexplainable, and so much more. Or, maybe my biggest regret was buyin' that damn house, I dunno. Price was nice and, hey, beats the streets, right? But damn... shoulda known that there was somethin' wrong with it the goddamn moment I stepped foot on the property. You don't find a nice place like that so out of the blue like that, and especially not at an affordable price... its like they were givin' it away! Maybe its a regret, maybe it ain't. I dunno. Maybe it was the fireplace...

Yeah, the fireplace, I TOLD YOU THIS! It fuckin' SPEAKS! It's done shit to me, you hear?! LOOK AT ME, DOC. LOOK AT MY GODDAMN ARM AND TELL ME THIS IS NORMAL! I am NOT GOIN' CRAZY, I AM NOT!

...sorry. Got a little uh, carried away there. 

Maybe my greatest regret is workin' the graveyard shift, eh? Heh... yeah, no.

I don't got any gifts, I told you this before, I just said that I've worked with people who have 'em. Closest thing I got is a lighter. 

I mean it ain't a normal Lighter, I'll say that much. Can't get rid of the damned thing, but its a lighter, it does lighter things. Makes me feel safe when I got it with me, I dunno, like I can keep goin'. Somethin' about it... probably placebo, y'know? Don't think I got a lotta inherent potential... I mean, I ain't too bad at shootin', so if thats what you mean by inherent gifts, that's all I got as far as I know.

What do you mean, 'what about the veins'? Doc, we're talkin' about gifts 'ere, not about fucked up body bullshit.

The fuck do you mean 'Do harbingers just grant your wishes'? They DO that?! Fuckin' wish they did. Then I'd have a cool gift or whatever rather than just whatever that goddamned...

Yeah, yeah, I know. The Fireplace doesn't control my life... got it just...

...I just wanna go back home and feel its warmth again...

Spirituality? Yeah, I'm spiritual I guess... I mean, spirits follow me and all that, so yeah, I guess I'm spiritual to some extent. 

Oh wait, religion? Oh uh... I dunno. Listen, all I know is that there's a couple things and- no, no I know you're gonna call me crazy, but there's this place apparently, my fir- yeah. Yeah the fireplace told me. No, my- No I'm not goin' crazy, we went over this when I almost died, doc. I've been takin' the pills! Yeah! No, like- Okay are you gonna listen to me or not?

Alright. So. Basically, my fireplace I think may be some sorta god-bein' or somethin'. NO, IM NOT FUCKIN' JOKIN'. My fireplace is some sorta god-bein' and its told me there is a place inbetween death and life and- okay I can see I'm losin' you. Listen, all you need to know, is the fireplace is 100% some sorta otherworldly force, and I dunno what the fuck it is, but there is somethin' up with it and I'm pretty sure it might be a god.

Y'know honestly? I'm not even sure what I believe in anymore. I mean, I don't get my powers from a harbinger, they don't do a whole "Annnd now you have the power to heal people!" to me. All my stuff is from a goddamn talkin' fireplace. So when a Harbinger says "go do a thing and I'll pay you," I'm all like... might as fuckin' well? I mean I've fought with a whole lotta bullshit. Melonfuckers, Aliens, Moths... gang activity. Like, everything I've dealt with has been a goddamn terrifying experience. I mean, I've seen a lot, right? And I don't got an issue with a lotta things, but when I see somethin' horrifyingly new, I freak the fuck out. Not because it scares me, but because I don't got an idea of what the fuck I'm boutta do with a Lighter and a handgun. I've been lucky to even get this far. 

Y'know, if god is real, I'm gonna have a talk with the man when I die or whatever. I gotta know why he's got this sorta plan for me, I tell ya. This shit gets wild and I can't keep gettin' shot or almost dyin'.