Glip's Questionnaire

Ian Tanner lives in Falls Church, North Virginia. He lives there mostly because he's always been there and it's a quiet enough place anyway. He's not really big on exploring the world and feels much more comfortable where he's always been. 

His home itself is quite a small, cramped sort of apartment building that would be a death trap for anyone who hasn't familiarized themselves with every nook and cranny like he has. There's fallen shelves and all sorts of mail and shit scattered around, but it isn't actually "dirty" per se. He would like to say there is method in the madness, but it's really just as simple as a massive mess that he has made himself very familiar with.

Ian gets his money by working about 15 hours a week as a "programmer" for this obscure game company he still hasn't actually given a fair chance. They pay really well considering Ian isn't actually...good...at programming. He mostly keeps to doing what he IS good at, which is providing feedback and pretty accurately determining what the masses would think of certain aspects of games and decisions they make. He does less code and more "um actually" shit. 

Ian spends the first chunk of his money on rent and food and those basic living needs before spending another chunk on various entertainment items or just things he finds cool. He bought a gun just for the fuck of it one day and now he has decided he is a "gun guy". Weapons in general, although he's only had luck with firearms.

Ian's Ambition is to die happy before he gets old. Glip's, however, is another story.

Glip strives to hunt, capture and tame every creature he can find in Neo-Genis. This is mostly out of a strange need to assert dominance over all the NPC animals because Ian feels really fuckin' betrayed by a dog he once had in real life and now he thinks they're all assholes. He tried so hard to make its life bearable even though he was really poor at the time and it was still a dick.

Glip has decided to embrace this aspect of Ian and be the vessel through which his rage and frustration towards animals and just life in general will be focused and then shot out, like a gun made of man-child rage.

The most defining event of Ian's life would have to be when his first dog died. Ever since his second (that fuckin' asshole dog), he's been playing into the whole "I am an evil animal hater, rahh!" bit, but he really does like animals. He knows a lot of facts about them and wouldn't dream of hurting a real one (unless it attacks him first because what the fuck). 

It broke something inside him because he felt he could have changed something and maybe his poor pooch wouldn't have gotten sick. Who knows? He fuckin' doesn't. 

He's never been full of more anger and paranoia since then, and he seems to always find something to be negative about, even when things are going great.

...

"It's not the same without you, O'neil."

Ian knows very little people. There is no witty remark here, just a forewarning for what you are about to read.

Todd "TDoesGames" Andres - A game developer and technically Ian's boss. They mostly communicate online and he hasn't actually heard the guy's voice. Todd seems really friendly in text and somehow conveys a LOT of emotion in his messages, and just overall seems like a very eccentric boss. Ian wonders how this guy can seriously make himself pay as much as he is for the little Ian thinks he does.

M̶a̶t̶t̶ M̶a̶r̶k̶ M̶i̶t̶c̶h̶ M̶e̶l̶v̶o̶n̶i̶k̶u̶s̶ I̶I̶I̶  "Just call me M" - A driver for both Amazon and Uber Eats, both services that Ian uses religiously. Despite the man miraculously being the person Ian sees the most every week, he still can't quite bring himself to remember the guy's name. And he's a really genuine person, too. If he didn't feel that awkward feeling you get when the employee at the place you're ordering from starts getting too personal with you, he'd totally hang out with the guy. But seriously, what is this guy doing? Doesn't he know you're not a person when you're on the clock? 

Gary Dude the Guy That Totally Exists - A super real person that Ian knows because he knows many people and definitely isn't putting on here because he doesn't want to have to resort to putting his mom on here to make a count of 3. They probably dream about cheese.

Ian's childhood was fine, all things considered. He wasn't a particularly socially awkward kid and wasn't even one of the weird ones. Everyone liked shit they'd cringe at today, so it's not like being really into creepypastas and five nights at freddys really affected his chances at surviving through childhood.

His parents were accommodating enough. Until he seemed to almost spontaneously turn his life around (in a bad way), resulting in him becoming much more secluded than he had ever indicated.

It's not his fault that pretty much all his friends moved away, he got kicked out of school, and he may or may not have had something to do with the disappearance of a box turtle from the school's science lab.

Okay, it may have been his fault, but they were mostly things that caused each other! How is it his fault that they just so happened to coincide with one another and make him seem like a delinquent all of a sudden?

...

It was nice while it lasted.

Ian has been in love before. Multiple times, actually. The only one he got even close to actually earning himself any sort of reciprocation was the time he was just about to meet his online girlfriend for the first time.

Her name was Patricia, and she had such a great personality and sense of humor that just seemed to compliment Ian's so well, that he just felt she was the one. It really felt like she was different.

He texted her as they organized their meetup outside a cafe that was supposed to be playing some song he didn't know that night. 

"You'll know when you see me. I'm wearing a white tank top and jeans."

Huh. That's...a strange choice of clothes for going out. But it doesn't matter, he's sure she'd look-

And that's when Ian locked eyes with the 6'8" black man in a white tank top and jeans. 

...

Turns out Patricia was actually Patrick, some guy who started this whole thing as a joke, only to legitimately get attached and become Ian's "friend". The guy asked if they could still be friends and that's how Ian met the friend he is most embarrassed to have.