Joseph D'Angelo's Questionnaire

Joseph lives in a fancy home in Sapperton, New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada. His room is on the ground floor of the two-story house, right beside that of his older brother Daniel's, and conveniently very near the back door. Nevertheless, his dad has cameras all over the compound, and Joseph hasn't had the opportunity to figure out a route that could possibly evade them. The house's interior design and furniture are very traditional, coming in the classic shades of white and beige and hints of brown. The entrance is lined with framed photographs of the family, the extended families, and various church events, and bible verses can be spotted all over the house in the form of framed artworks or wooden plaques. There are crosses and various other Christian symbols in every single room, ensuring that every little inch of the house falls conveniently under the watchful gaze of the Lord.

For the most part, Joseph's room also reflects these design elements, but in warmer shades of red and coral and fluffier textures in his blankets and cushions. HIs walls are decorated with polaroids of him and the people in his life, framed certificates of his academic achievements, and even more bible verses. He has a normal PC set up on his desk where his bible sits in sight full-time. His keyboard, acoustic guitar, and ukulele lean against the wall by his closet, which is filled with simple polos and button downs and jeans in the same warm shades his room is painted in. His favorite feature of this room is the 6-tiered bookcase that's almost twice his height and requires a stool to be able to access fully. Each tier is fully packed with books and little decorations from other interests of his, and pasted on one of the doors enclosing this bookcase is a long wishlist. Away from the line of sight of the normal eye, the space below his bed conceals various gay and fashion magazines, a pouch with slowly-increasing makeup products, and sequined, scrapped fabrics.

His family's hometown is Barangay San Jose on the small island of Tingloy in the province of Batangas, Philippines. There, his great-grandparents started a church, which they continued to spread up into the province and eventually in various small communities in the region of Luzon, Philippines. The other branches of the D'Angelo family began spreading the church to other countries in Southeast Asia, and eventually Joseph's grandfather Joselito migrated to BC, Canada with his son Agustin, and Agustin's wife, Juana, to start the New Westminster branch of this church.

Joseph is very much still a student and only recently just turned sixteen, so he hasn't had a job, ever. He gets a surprisingly generous allowance from his father every week in cash, but his purchases are very heavily monitored. He has to ask before he buys things, has to show what he bought when he's done, and sometimes he'll be asked to show all the money has remaining if his father suspects he's lied about his purchases. Thus, Joseph either only buys books (even then, he has to prove they are just for him to "study the world" and won't "tempt him to sin") or food, and just saves the money altogether.

Most of the things under his bed are gifts, but the fabric scraps and sewing supplies were thrifted from a very kind store in Maple Ridge, who took his money as a donation for a good cause rather than as a purchase. He's starting to frequent that thrift store more after befriending the owners.

The ambition Joseph has always been most dedicated to is to spread literacy and its importance. To teach people critical thinking, understanding context, interpreting text with more than a single self-centered braincell. To expose everybody to every perspective regardless of whether they -- or even he -- would like it. He was sheltered for most of his life and made to believe there was nothing in his line of sight that matters other than Christ, and that any perspective of the world that did not put Him in the spotlight was immediately wrong. When he finally got access to the internet and was exposed to other people who did not share the same upbringing, he quickly realized that this worldview was dangerously narrow and that it would not lead him anywhere in his life, and that the interpretation of the Bible he was taught was also plain out harmful in the first place.

He's started doing this in secret, making friends out of the weird guidelines his parents gave him and exposing himself to their perspectives, but he presently isn't sure how else he's going to go about this without getting himself in trouble with his parents or the church. At least now, he wouldn't go that far in achieving this ambition, because he could lose everything -- anybody that could house him in the worst case that he got kicked out for "going against God" would immediately agree with his father, he doesn't and can't have a job that can keep him afloat, and internally, he's also terrified that this is the wrong move and the God would hate him for it. He wouldn't kill for this ambition because he thinks that would make him no better than the Christians he criticizes. He wouldn't at all want to die for the sake of this ambition, one because he's barely even a fifth through life, and two because a prideful part of him obviously wants to be there to see it through to completion.

The family visited the Philippines every December to celebrate Christmas with the extended D'Angelo clan back in Tingloy. Usually they just spent a few days in the barangay and then they'd fly back to Canada before the new year, but the Christmas season before Joseph signed The Contract, his father decided to treat them with a month-long vacation back home so the kids could connect better with their homeland. The earlier third of this vacation would be spent in the metropolitan area of Manila, and one way or another, Joseph and Daniel were made to have a fun little brother bonding date while their parents, grandfather, and younger sister did activities elsewhere.

That was perhaps the first time Joseph and Daniel ever bonded after the latter entered his teenage years. Although they were close as kids, they grew apart in their teenage years as life started happening and they got busier with their various church responsibilities. Joseph was the head of worship and already faced strict rules at home, but Daniel had it significantly worse as the default successor to their father, and for the most part they were restricted to those roles and knew nothing more about each other than what they did to serve Jesus. That day, Joseph and Daniel were able to talk about their interests and joke around like they were brothers and not colleagues, and Joseph got to know his older brother as a person, not just a vessel through which God spoke or whatever.

As they walked around the city, they stumbled upon a series of stalls and stopped at one that sold independent books published by local authors. The pair could not afford any of these independent books, but nevertheless they perused, quickly realizing these were very LGBTQ+ in content. Joseph so badly wanted to read into them, as he was still in the stage of questioning his sexuality, but he didn't want his brother to see that he was indulging in this sin... he looked up, and Daniel, too, was rather engrossed in looking through these books. They met each other's eyes, acknowledged that this was territory they weren't allowed to under the gaze of their Holy Father, but in that moment they agreed not to care... and never to tell.

Before they left the stall, the owner walked up to them offering a rainbow bandana with outlines of the stars and sun like the Philippine flag. Daniel took it and clutched it concerningly tightly for a bit, but ultimately gave it to Joseph for him to keep, and to this day Joseph keeps it on him at all times.

Daniel Prince Rosario D'Angelo:

Joseph's 18y/o older brother who currently lives at and studies Psychology in Simon Fraser University. Much like Joseph, he is a deeply closeted and repressed gay man with heavy church responsibilities, but his qualms and the expectations of him are worse as he is the eldest son of the family. While just as charismatic and intellectual, he is considerably less confident in his identity than Joseph is and does not let any idea that "goes against the church" cross his mind. Daniel has the tendency to take out his frustrations on Joseph, like enforcing their father's rules or repeating rhetoric they both know is bullshit or projecting his own internal struggles onto Joseph. While Joseph understands how shitty Daniel's situation is and can relate to it, he still holds a lot of bitterness towards him, and their relationship is rather awkward and strained. Fortunately, their relationship has gotten better since their hangout in Manila and since Daniel moved out, and they try to talk to each other about deeper stuff a little more. They're both hiding grave secrets from each other; Joseph is a Contractor constantly risking his life every month... and Daniel is in a toxic enemies-with-benefits arrangement with a childhood... enemy? Crush?

Agustin Javier Castillo D'Angelo:

Joseph's 55y/o father who runs the New Westminster branch of their church and works in a tech company for his day job. As the head pastor of this rapidly growing church, he appears as a very passionate and benevolent man who is the perfect mouthpiece of the word of God. In reality, he is bigoted, narcissistic, abusive, and downright callous. He believes that the best way to rid the world of sin is to get rid of the sinners altogether, and he thinks that since he as done so much for the church, he has earned the right to arbitrate others as though he were the divine arbiter himself. He has immense power and prestige in the community, so although his vicious acts are very much open secrets, nobody has the guts to do anything about it. As a result of that, he is overwhelmingly strict to his children, setting out unreasonable rules and even micro-managing the people they interact with. However, strangely fortunately, his pride makes it so that he believes his children are also just as "righteous" as him, and the fact that literally all three of them are gay as hell has not ever crossed his mind. Nevertheless, the three children make a significant effort to hide everything from him, and Joseph is the best at this.

Ludvig Hans Blomberg:

Joseph's fellow 16y/o childhood best friend and high school classmate. The Blombergs are a key family in the church and are extremely tight with the D'Angelos; Joseph's closeness with Ludvig is mirrored by Daniel's closeness to Ludvig's older sister Lydia, also 18. Joseph and Ludvig were best friends since diapers and have never left each other's sides since then. Ludvig is a very sweet and bright kid, also on top of a lot of his classes, volunteers wherever he can, and is all around the perfect son any parent could have. His loyalty to his parents directly contrasts Joseph's feistier attitude, and Joseph's mom often jokes that she wishes Joseph would be more like the perfect sweetheart that Ludvig is. Well, Joseph would rather date Ludvig than be him, a statement he is ashamed to think and was even more ashamed to admit one night to the other boy... Ludvig just thought Joseph was joking, laughed and brushed it off, and continued playing video games with him. Joseph considers Ludvig the closest person to him, which is wild because he isn't even aware of his sexuality, much less his personal aspirations or even the contract. Nobody is.

You could say Joseph had a comfortable childhood. Happy, even, if you looked only at the good things.

His father is a 55y/o pastor and tech worker named Agustin Javier Castillo D'Angelo, and his mother is a 49y/o housewife named Juana Marisol Iglesias Rosario. Along with 85y/o grandfather Joselito Makisig D'Angelo, Agustin hails from a small town on a small island, while Juana is from the city of Puerto Princesa in the province of Palawan, Philippines. While Agustin had a strict Christian upbringing due to his family's long religious history, Juana's family is more passively Roman Catholic, regularly attending mass and being close with the community, but not having much higher involvement. Agustin wanted nothing more than to be a pastor, while Juana had big dreams of being a doctor. They met in the University of Santo Tomas and quickly fell in love, and just as quickly did Juana decide to give up her dreams to stay with Agustin. As a husband, Agustin can be praised for his fidelity, but there is not much else to marvel at; there is nothing else he loves about her aside from her role as a mother. However, Juana has long given up her individuality and is completely submitted to the church, her role as a wife, and Agustin.

Joseph wanted to be a star. A performer. All three kids could sing and play instruments, but Joseph was always the best at it. He had an unparalleled confidence for a child, easily commanded the audiences in parties, and everyone loved to hear him sing. The kids always imagined their futures -- Daniel would be a celebrated lawyer fighting injustice in the community, Gabriella would be the best neurosurgeon Vancouver would ever know, and Joseph would do his Filipino heritage proud by becoming a singer. Their parents doted on them when they were still kids, giving them lots of good things, and even praised and entertained their ambitions.

All that changed when they started hitting puberty ages, and the narrative shifted from "child" to "man/lady". No longer were they doted on as much or led to believe there was something they could amount to as individuals. They were all quickly thrust into the ministries of their church -- Gabriella would lead the youth ministry and take care of the babies, Joseph would lead the worship ministry and serve the Lord through song, and Daniel would fuse his body and soul with the Bible, and be the next mouthpiece of God's word. Their parents were never emotionally close with them by any means; much like their marriage, Agustin and Juana approached parenting like a role instead of a bond. But this switch-up shook up the household and surely startled the kids as they watched their dreams stray further and further from their grasp, eclipsed by something they were told they would want so much more if they sacrificed all. Juana assumed a very calm and caring role but was very detached from her kids, while Agustin is overbearing, extremely strict, domineering, and abusive. The abuse manifests in his words to the younger kids, but Daniel bears the brunt of the physical blow, if the poorly covered bruises are anything to go off of. Joseph is rather desensitized to all this. Against the classic Christian rule that "lying is a sin", he's become a rather good liar (almost too good), and he will lie to his father about things if he can help it. Monetary exchanges he can never hide, but he knows how to keep everything else secret from him and everyone else. 

Joseph is currently a high school student, and a rather popular one, at that. Despite the beauty standard of tallness, his height alone is a novelty that gives him popularity, and it's a regular occurrence to see his male friends carrying him up through the halls like a palanquin. He is known for his musical talent, often being asked to perform at school events, and sometimes even randomly brings his guitar to jam around the campus. He is well-liked by his teachers for his politeness and willingness to learn, and his English teachers particularly love him because of his enthusiasm and passion for the subject. School is the one place he is able to be remotely close to his true self.

Joseph's first love was his childhood best friend.

Classic horror story. 

Ludvig Hans Blomberg just had to be so perfect. He had golden blonde hair and bright hazel eyes and so many freckles and the most perfect smile. He was so nice and willingly involved in church and he readily befriended Joseph. They were each other's best friends and did everything together. At first, Joseph brushed off his growing feelings as admiration; they were frequently compared to each other due to being the same age and same status, maybe Joseph just wanted to be Ludvig and not be with him. It was wrong for a boy to like another boy.

But soon he realized these were butterflies that fluttered with the hope of being held. He saw Ludvig and wished for them to cross the line of friendship and into one where they could feel for each other. Joseph wanted to call Ludvig his, be his, maybe act to each other like how a husband would to his wife. But this was gay. This was a cardinal sin that warranted death. Joseph knew all too well what happened when his father found out anything remotely homosexual -- he witnessed firsthand what had happened to that boy Luke who'd given his kuya Daniel a flower. Joseph didn't want to say anything about these feelings, and did all he could to suppress them.

But Ludvig, oh, he was so blissfully unaware. He still invited Joseph to everything. He waved flowers in front of Joseph one time when they were in the Blomberg flower shop, away from the watchful eyes of anyone because Ludvig was so trustworthy. Told Joseph the meanings of the flowers and pointed to the acacias and said it reminded him of Joseph. He held a bouquet of baby's breath out and made Joseph hold them and said it would be nice to see at Joseph's wedding. One night during church camp they went stargazing and Ludvig held Joseph's hand just like normal pals do. They lay down on a hill and pointed at the stars, and joked about how this was all destiny. That they were together. Forever. 

One day, while playing video games, Joseph finally snapped. In the heat of the moment, he said out loud that he had a crush on Ludvig. They were freshly 15, and Joseph admitted he knew he had this crush since they were 11. Joseph immediately regretted it when he said it, but what broke his heart further was when Ludvig began to laugh and said it was a funny but overused joke. That he didn't have a problem with "the gays" and that it was insensitive for Joseph to say that, because there were "real gay people who would take offence to that joke". It never crossed his mind that Joseph was one of those gays and that he'd just brushed off his first truthful and deep admission. One would guess Joseph would stay dejected that this was not taken seriously and that he was essentially rejected, but he took hope in that Ludvig was not disgusted. Ludvig supported the gays and tried to be respectful of them. Maybe one day Joseph would have the courage to say it out loud that he was gay, and maybe, just maybe, Ludvig would like him back.

For now, Joseph and Ludvig are just besties! Amazing besties. Only besties. It's not like Ludvig told him recently that he would marry Joseph if he was a girl.

Joseph's most immediate fear, of course, is having all his secrets found out by his family. On the surface level, he doesn't want them to know just how much he's lied to them about his activities or his life, because lying alone is a sin harshly punishable by his father's terms. He doesn't want them to know he's breaking all their rules, with his "non-godly" friends, his "non-godly" interests, his "non-godly" words. He obviously doesn't want them to know about The Contract and his ensuing actions, not because they'd be unnecessarily scared for his well-being or anything, but rather because they would punish him for "losing sight" of God. And most of all, he doesn't want them to get even an inkling of the fact that he's gay. He proves to be fantastic at keeping his skeletons in the closet, but soon he will have too many skeletons for too small a closet, and the day they're let out only seems to get nearer. He's deathly terrified of all of these secrets being aired out into the world, and much more terrified of what his dad would inevitably do about it. That the younger son he'd so righteously raised was a liar, a rebel, an enjoyer of worldly and secular media... a killer... a supernatural... a homosexual.

And yet, in spite of those grave fears, Joseph does not lie to himself about himself. That is because, deep down, his true, worst fear... is for the story he's trying to write for himself at all costs be halted. He has long been released from the prison of denial, and has made peace with what he likes and who he likes. His spirit is not something so easily imposed upon. He may be a master of the art of hiding things from the people who would punish him for it, but he refuses to relinquish the pieces of himself that he has managed to find in spite of everything preventing him from doing so. Keeping that part of him alive is what truly gives him a reason worth living.

And if ever he were to be stripped of these things, well, he would rather fall to the pits of hell and burn in truth, rather than exist in a lie just for a chance at a stagnant eternity.

Immediately he would say his most prized possession is his acoustic guitar. Its smooth surface is a rosy wood that blends in well with the rest of his belongings, and it is additionally engraved with little flowers and his name "Joseph Rafael" in cursive. It cost nearly a thousand dollars and was his parents' 13y/o birthday gift for him, a reward for his dedication to music, and an encouragement to continue honing his God-given talents. This guitar followed him through high school and will definitely follow him further into adulthood; it is the tangible acknowledgement from his parents of the hobby he's been devoted to since childhood, the token of his excellence. It is definitely his most prized possession on the grounds of it being of great value and personally important to him.

Another prized possession of his is his barely-used Clinique Almost Lipstick in the shade Black Honey -- the first makeup product he'd ever gotten his hands on, the first he could call his own. He acquired it a year ago when he was in the Philippines and helping a cousin clean his room. This cousin bought it to gift it to his girlfriend, but they soon broke up, and now he just had this weird lipstick lying around. At the time, Joseph was just starting to take interest in gay culture and specifically feminine things, and he felt nothing but shock when the cousin then handed the lipstick to him, worried that somehow he had been clocked. Fortunately, this cousin decided to give it to Joseph because he was tired of dating at the moment and wanted Joseph to give it to a future girlfriend, unaware that Joseph would take it and use it for himself. It's a subtle enough color that minimal swipes of it would look no different from his natural lip shade, and sometimes he wears it when he's out alone or with Ludvig. One could say this was kind of like an awakening to him, and maybe even a nudge from God that maybe honesty to himself was in the cards.

His prized possession, on the grounds that he will protect it with his life, is the rainbow bandana he got with Daniel during their "bro day" in Manila last December. It is significant to him as a tangible affirmation of who he is, that there are symbols he can claim as his own, proof that there are people out there who see him and will meet him with understanding. With joy, even. Encouragement to never suppress himself because there is ultimately more love than hate to be found in living your truth. Joseph also treats this bandana like an artefact of the day itself, the first day he and Kuya ever bonded as people and not followers of a doctrine. He treasures that day with Kuya more than anything, and he knows the sentiment is shared, if the slight smile he makes if he sees it in Joseph's pocket is anything to go by.