Koriol Celestheryne's Questionnaire

I live in Coquitlam; I had originally moved here with someone, but they were adamant on moving out to make sure I couldn't snoop through their business. I would never have done that either way, but it just leaves me with a sense of worry that I could never really shake off. Hasn't it happened before?

"I can't help you."

It has happened before.

The apartment isn't too big, nor is it too small - it's meant to be for two people after all. I use the second room as storage of sorts. It's cozy, but it gets lonely around here. I've tried to decorate it to the best of my ability - and I'm proud of myself for it - though I always have to fill the silence with background music of some sort. It doesn't matter - I don't spend much time here anyway. My favourite place is the little nook by the window. There's a large enough ledge to sit and read a book. ...God, how am I supposed to romanticize these setups if there's no one to enjoy it with? Not that my roommate paid much mind to any of this in the first place. Suit yourself, Hezalea.

Feels like this is all people want to know, but it really doesn't reflect who I am. I appreciate how much my family has cared for me - I'm just disappointed whenever someone only knows me for my parents' name. 

Let's not dwell on that though. 

I don't spend my money extravagantly. Sometimes I go out and get little treats or art supplies. Recently I did buy a good violin; I'm not great at it yet but it doesn't hurt to start with something of a higher quality. It generally feels better that the strings aren't squeaking all the time. They say your spendings reflect who you are, but really I'm lucky enough to be living comfortably these days. I try to pay for my friends' things, but sometimes they think I'm treating them like charity cases. It's completely unintended too - not once did I consider it was somehow demeaning to have someone pay for something you need. Like, you need it, right? You'd really rather not have it at all if you can't pay for it yourself? How... how are you going to afford it in the first place? I mean it - there are so many better things you could be spending your savings on.

I mean, is knowledge not enough of an answer? I guess not. People usually aim higher from these jobs, huh. Well... I think I have everything I've ever wanted, so the only direction I can go is this: supernatural phenomena. Mysteries. Something I can't just readily access. What causes them? Why have so many strange incidents been popping up in the past year? 

...Where have you taken all my friends.

I'm not stupid enough to believe that everyone happens to just disappear for a month and come back completely different. It has happened at least three separate times already, and I get the inkling it's not going to stop. I'm not gullible nor forgetful enough to think they've always been this way either.

You either tell me, or I'll find out myself.

...I just wanted to be happy, no strings attached, why is that hard for you to understand? This isn't something I'd seriously risk my life for. You're too cunning to be that full of yourself. 

I'll get my money's worth and I'm getting right out. You don't get to control my life.

Some time in the past, I wanted to be a star.

I didn't just want to be famous, I wanted to be adored. Aglow. Recognized. Acknowledged. Understood. 

Watched all the James Bond-esque movies, read all the most famous books, bought tons of magazines to study from just so I could be some semblance of "cool". In fact, I was - I still am, of course. How could I not be? I've been practicing for years. People flocked to me for... reasons I couldn't quite place back then. Part of me wanted to think it was my personality, but who am I kidding? Maybe I would’ve remained none the wiser had I just stayed in my own lane. I'm not that kind of person though.

Things started changing when a family friend came up to me and asked me what I'd do if a group of people were stuck in a room with only one exit, while being surrounded by... very dangerous creatures. Poisonous gas seeps in. It's a very specific situation, but a 13 year old could never suspect anything more than a fun hypothetical. I was wrong. The questions started getting worse. They started describing the people in these rooms - far too detailed to be anything made up. I tried to be helpful. A few relatives would come by and pat me on the shoulder, hand me jewelry and cash and praises for a job well done.

17.

I realized.

I learned.

Someone had knocked on the door, and I was the only one home.

Never open the door for strangers - what if they came in through the windows? There were too many of them. 

I didn't know what happened after that, but... it hurt. Are you sure? You've never been one to forget so easily.

God.

A girl my age was there when I woke up. Car wreck. She wore a bulky backpack, carried a gun in one hand and a knife in the other. Her eyes were crazed.

"What is someone like you doing in a place like this?"

Never again. All this attention would've killed me had she not arrived in time. As payment I tried to help her get through a few missions, but eventually I found them too high for my pay grade. Blood was on my hands. How I got out is none of your business. But never again. I've sworn off it.

Curtis, my father. A steadfast man, he was always supportive towards my pursuits. He’s the CEO of a PR company, so he’s always been a busy man. One of the three proprietors (my mom is another) though the third had to step down for certain reasons. I would rarely see him in my childhood, though after the... incident he made sure to stay closer by. I suppose I know the reason behind it, but a win is a win. He has provided me with all I’ve ever needed, and I wouldn’t think of asking for much more. Occasionally I visit and help around the house, though he insists I should focus on resting whenever I come over. Overall he’s a good father, tried his best alongside my mother to guide me through the first two decades of my life. 

Lylith, my sister. She’s always off on business trips with my mother, being the next in line to take over the company. I don’t know much about her, other than the fact that she is kind. Bakes pretty good pastries too. Sometimes I sneak into her study and peek at the weird tomes in her bookshelf. It’s not that I understand the runes or particularly want to study the glyphs and incantations - I just particularly like the designs. Speaking of designs…

Zephyren, a dear friend. He asked me to help him design a fire glyph, and I instantly knew what I had to do. Haven’t gotten him into The Owl House yet but it’ll happen soon enough. We started off on awkward terms. Seemed to be a misunderstanding of some sort, but I’m hoping we could smooth it over eventually. If we haven’t already. I’m not sure, actually - he’s a bit of an enigma. Sort of the one person that confuses me the most. One word I’d use to describe him? Warmth.

My childhood was fine. There’s not much to say about it besides how detached the family had been at some point. My parents are busy people. Managing a company, maintaining external connections, spending time with the family… They weren’t the only contributors to the distance. Between school and extracurriculars, even I seldom spent much time at home. People have always described me as different, detached, far off in my own little world. It wasn’t an actual choice that I happened not to click with any of the other kids - I would just prefer to read books during breaks and after school because I was interested in that, and people found me weird for it. They were somewhat amazed that I could recite anything word for word, and the teachers found little need to look over me because they thought I had everything covered. I did, I just… wished they’d have talked to me a little more. Maybe I could have understood what it meant to develop healthy relationships with people and how important it would be. I craved it - I still do. So how would I do that? My solution was to become likeable. Somehow. Not sure how I thought things would go well, but if being myself only weirded people out…

It would've been so much easier to form friendships when I actually shared classes with people.

Anyways, my sister has never been one to stay in one spot for too long, and something about her had changed upon her 18th birthday. She became more self-sufficient in the way that she suddenly knew what she wanted to do. She’s 10 years older than me - people say that makes you more civil with each other but sometimes I really wish we had enough banter to understand each other. Instead we’ve rarely talked. I’m fine with it for the most part, she’s pleasant to be around, but she’s more like a cousin or aunt above anything else. She was the one who tried to tell me that I would be happier if I just did what I wanted to do and let people come to me if they wanted to. How much longer did I have to wait, though? What would she know, anyway? She’s barely around as it is. Maybe I should’ve listened. Instead I forced myself to try and be as kind and helpful as possible. If people found a use for me, maybe they’ll finally stay.

 My teenage years were decent when they weren’t horrible. That doesn’t mean much, does it? Well… I’d rather get caught up in the run of the mill high school drama than whatever I had been dragged into. 

How do I answer this right now?

How do you expect me to answer this right after you’ve taken him from me? What kind of cruel game are you trying to play here?

No matter. I’ll play your silly game if it makes you that much happier. 

I’ve fallen in love. It’s not just romance - plenty of times I find myself fascinated by people I merely admire or respect or strive to protect. Really, I’m in love with the mysteries that people pose. The lines used to blur too easily, though after so many years I’d hope that I’m a little better at differentiating. Doesn’t it all just become the same in the end? Familial love, a hope that they’ll be there far into the future…

It started with this girl a few years ago. Bear in mind, this is just another example of the stupid things I did because I saw it on TV. I tried to act ‘princely’, but really I was just a prick. The other option was to be stoic, but that never felt… right, if that makes any sense. Her upbringings intrigued me, in the same way that a mystery would. Nonetheless, I didn’t really value the weight of my words. Eventually I had convinced myself that she was the coolest - wouldn’t it be great to just be with her? It’d save me the hassle of being asked when I’ll get married and have children. Something about those questions always disgusted me. Why is the end goal to have children? That’s not-

…Either way, is it really right to date someone just for convenience? I couldn’t just string her along before I figured out what I wanted. I made sure not to go any further than the occasional flirt, but breaking up with her would still break her heart, wouldn’t it? I didn’t want to hurt her. My solution was to make her break up with me. It was some sort of reverse Kagura-sama situation, I guess. Regardless, soon she sat me down. I was terrified but I had it coming.

Turns out she was going through similar turmoil. Dating women didn’t really work out so she thought dating a man might change things. It didn’t. Then she said I had some stuff to think through too. For instance, the way I looked at other m- she isn’t suggesting- god, she might be right. Wait, how long had she known that for? Why did she look amused? Hezalea, what the hell! You’re the one to talk, maybe that Caliose you keep gushing about might be the reason you don’t feel butterflies for other people, who knows (I have not told her this, I’m pretty sure she’s aware by now).

Nonetheless, after that I did my best to keep a distance from people. I haven’t allowed that kind of misunderstanding to happen again. In the process I’m pretty sure the opposite effect has happened though. Just… from what Hezalea has told me, people think I’m pretentious. Just when I tried to be more genuine. To be fair, to this day I can’t really be sure if I’m who I really want to be - does that make sense? It’s one of the things I haven’t been able to figure out.

That brings me to Zephyren - the one person that I’m on the fence about. On one hand I want to get to know him, but I’m also terrified of the world he’s been living in. For once I don’t want to pry into what he’s been so desperate to hide. It’s very unlike me, isn’t it? I don’t know when that changed. I don’t know how much I’ve changed. I’m terrified that I’d react poorly if I ever learned the full truth. I’m terrified of a lot of things, now that I think about it. It’s just that I can’t really deny it anymore because I catch myself searching for the smallest reason to be near him. This could just be admiration, right? I can’t be brash. I can’t string people alo- what am I talking about? That’s another guy.

…And what’s wrong with that?

Still, I need to get ahold of myself first. I’ve never been a good person - what makes me think being around him would magically change that? What makes me think he won’t immediately just hate me? I really want to get this right. He has things to think through too - he’s in love with someone who’s been dead for years. He’s in love with the image of her, at that. The Caliose he hangs out with isn’t real, can’t he see that? Of course he can, I’d never credit him with anything less. Feelings make people do stupid things. I know that much.

Well… I do want to know him. Just not in the same way I’d try to predict the ending of a Holmesian story. I want to know what he likes to do when he isn’t swamped with work. I want to know how he studies and organizes and remembers. I want to know what junk food he eats for sheer nostalgic value. I want to know how he plays Minecraft - survival, creative, hardcore, multiplayer, anything at all. I want to know why he takes hours out of his busy day to dye his hair red. I want to hear his stupid jokes and I want to know what his occasional Cantonese ramblings are about. And if he lets me, I want to do it all together. 

What kind of love is that? Do I even want an answer?

…I’ll visit him one of these days, just you see - he’ll be at the door and he’ll talk about how his job took longer than expected. Everything will go back to normal and we’ll laugh it off. Even if he’s been on tons of these jobs, surely he’ll have gotten tired of it. He knows when to quit just as much as I do.