Hope's Questionnaire

i live in a tree in a forest. maybe at Anthony's now? he said i could stay with him. i live there because i dont have a home here in this world. i used to have a home.

it was called Aviary Valley. it was beautiful. i had my own nest in a tower and there was a steward that i helped and everyone in the village was kind. they were all spirits that i helped, and there were places for more people, too, more spirits. i could get my hair changed or get new clothes or new furniture for my nest, like pillows and rugs and tables! i could talk to them or to the other Children and we could play and sit in the sun by the stream or fly. i miss it. i miss the soft sand and the cool water and the bright soft grass. i miss the people and the other Children. i miss it.

i want to go home.

what is money?

i don't know what money is, but i used to trade for stuff with candles! i would trade for new hairstyles or new clothes or new masks. i miss my wardrobe. i wish i could change my appearance, but from what Harriet has told me, even changing my mask or my hair or my wing wouldn't help me look human. we just look too different. we ARE too different.

is money like candles? is it used to trade for things? what does it look like? maybe Anthony will tell me about money and how to trade with it.

i want to save my kingdom! the light inside me kindles the ones inside of the spirits who came before me and by kindling them i can save them! i cant do anything about the buildings or the ruins but i can save the people and thats whats important. i want to save everyone! i want to go home so i can save them.

i dont want to kill anyone. but i guess thats not the question. maybe its also not true.

i DID kill those evil humans. or i helped my friends kill them. is that the same thing? i wanted them to hurt like theyd hurt others.

i dont know what death feels like. ive never passed through the Eye of Storm yet. i know i need to, or would have needed to, eventually. but it scared me. i dont know. i know we come back but ive heard it hurts.

being born! i wasnt and then i was! and the voices of the ones who came before me told me i needed to kindle their flames and it gave me a purpose. its what i was born for and it means i need to go home to help them! the other Children will help them too but i need to. its not fair that they have to and i cant.

it gave me friends too. i have new friends here in this world but its not the same. theyre not the same as my friends at home.

i dont want to leave Harriet behind though. not before i help her too.

Eye of Storm is one of the angels that we helped! we are friends now. Eye of Storm says that it isnt made for friendship or mercy. thats okay. i dont mind. ill still help it when it needs me! and ill still give it hugs when its sad. its scary and big and BEAUTIFUL just like the Eye of Storm at home. its got rings which are different but its center is big and hot and dangerous. i have to be very careful when touching it but i dont mind.

Vigilance is another angel we helped! i can give Vigilance hugs much easier. it can't talk like Eye of Storm can, but thats okay. it watches over the apartments and makes sure everyone is okay and thats really important too. its a big eye that doesnt look like my eyes but does look like human eyes! and its very shiny in a different way than Eye of Storm is shiny, and the reflections get all funny because of how its curved. it blessed the knife i took from those evil humans and ill never ever let it go.

Harriet is my new human friend! she told me about the evil humans and protected me while everything was really scary and going all weird. i think im closest to her because she IS made for friendship unlike the angels. i love the angels but they cant really feel things the same way so they told me. being close means that you both feel the same way about each other, right? i think so. Harriet is big and strong and beautiful like Eye of Storm and watchful like Vigilance and she gives really good hugs! shes scared to go back to the people that hurt her. she calls them "the foundation" and says they would hurt me. that they hurt her. i want to save her!

im still a child, silly!

i dont know what school is. and i dont have parents! there are the spirits of those that came before me, but theyre not my parents like how animals have parents. nobody gave birth to me. i just wasnt, and then i suddenly was!

is Harriet what a parent is like? she looks out for me and wants me to be safe. that's what some animal parents do.

i guess i fit in with the rest of the Children like me. nobody at home is mean to me. does that count?

i dont fit in with humans. im not from this world. Harriet says i have to stay away from them and that i cant be seen or else the "foundation" will come and take me away. i have to figure out how to go home soon so i dont have to worry about them.

i dont think ive been in love yet! ive been told that itll happen when im older. im not sure i like the idea. i love people but ive been told thats not the same. whats so different about being IN love?

maybe that it makes people act funny? ive seen spirits smooch, and hug differently than i would hug my friends. maybe that's it? but i dont know for sure.

maybe that it makes more people? animals in love make more animals. people in love dont always make more people though.

this is so confusing!!

i dont want to think about this anymore.

my worst fear is to lose my friends. to watch them die.

death isnt a big deal at home. we die all the time. we come back, different but the same. were all children of the Light and the Light loves us and returns us to the clouds when we give up our lives to reunite with it, when we give up our light to help those who came before us reach the Light too. our ancestors spirits never died either they just faded and were taken over by the darkness....

the first time i ever saw someone die for real was acai. watching them bleed out because they were chased by the Foundation and they didnt want to go back... it was horrible. and mom got hurt earlier, really bad. humans arent like us children of the Light. they bleed. they have bones and organs, theyre delicate and squishy. and mom got really hurt. what if shed died? what if shed died right there and i never would have gotten to talk to her in my head and listen to her stories and make the red riding hood cape to show her? what if id had to watch her die?

what if antony had died? he got hurt bad too. he nearly lost his eye. so did kyle. im so scared for them. what happens if they get hurt too badly to get back up?

thats why i want to heal them. i dont want to have to watch them die.

my most prized possession is Sentinel! i took it from the body of a Foundation member on my first Contract and Eye of Storm blessed it. im so small and its so long that its like a little sword just for me! i made it so that it cant ever ever get lost or stolen. if the Foundation tries to steal it itll burn them up.

i think my second favorite possession is my red cape. its got a hood like the cape from Little Red Riding Hood. thats the first story that mom ever read me. its got pockets too! i made it myself. Antony gives me yarn to make things and i love to make new capes for myself but this one is my favorite because it reminds me of mom every time i wear it.

my third favorite possession is the backpack that Antony got for me! its big enough to hold my multitool and my yarn and my knitting needles and some rope! and theres enough room for other stuff too like an extra cape! i like putting stuff in my backpack and carrying it around. its like carrying home with me wherever i go.

the biggest problem in my life right now is that im stranded!! Enzo the BIG MEANIE BUTT HEAD JERK BASTARD wouldnt send me home after my last Contract, so now im stuck in San Francisco and i dont know how to contact Antony. mom said she would contact him and tell him where i am but i dont know how long it will be until he can come pick me up. the city is scary and its scary being away from Antony because the Foundation knows where i am here even if the Donna says im safe with her. its scary not knowing whether theyll find me.

i need to look like something im not. i need to be able to look human. maybe i can change my body like i used to be able to change masks? i think.... yes, i think that would work.

i cant wait to surprise antony and mom with my new face!

well i get up and i wash my mask. sometimes it can get dirty so i make sure i clean it every day. same with my body! i dont sweat or shed skin like humans do because my body is made different but Antony says that baths are important so i take one every day to make sure im clean! i dont have teeth so i dont need to brush those which is good because i dont like toothpaste. i tried some and it was TOO MINTY!!!! way too minty! i like mint but not that much!

then i sit down and i do workbooks! Antony says i cant go to school which im okay with because i dont know if i want to go to a place with too many people. the city was too big for me. once im done with a workbook i eat breakfast. i eat a lot more than i used to and i get hungry which is weird because i never used to. i like eating breakfast though! i like eggs and pancakes and waffles and syrup.