Anthony Williams's Questionnaire

I live in San Rafael in Sonoma County because that's who I work for.  The convenience is why I live there and haven't thought to move for any other reason.  I have periods of existential dread about what I'm doing in my life and the lack of purpose.  At the same time I feel any other choices I make would be illogical and counterproductive.  Sometimes I go to different churches and listen to sermons to see if I feel anything Devine or even decent guidance, but I find them all to lack any sort of actual divine inspiration.  So, I stay in my apartment, alone, just waiting to see if anything out there really would be bigger than just making the right choices and existing.

I work in the county office in San Rafael, the one that George Lucas took inspiration from for planet Naboo's architecture.  I make a decent living and I mostly spend it on rent, It's ways too high here.  I usually watch games on one of the many streaming services I also spend my money on monthly and I like to shop at Costco.  I don't really need many bulk items, but going to Costco seems to alleviate my boredom and allows me to people watch while eating a chicken bake. 

Sometimes I'll go on World of Warcraft and play the latest expansion for a week, then quit it again.  I played it in my youth and had some really strong guild relationships, but none of it really went anywhere and now I just check it out every once in awhile for nostalgia's sake.

I was just an office drone, kind of still am, but in the last 5 years I've gotten my masters in records management and got promoted to a management position in the records department.  I'm currently working on taking my bosses place as soon as he's promoted, which looks like soon.  Other than upward career mobility I feel like I have no bigger purpose in life and feelings of existential dread overtakes me most weekends.  I've been thinking of getting a dog or something to feel like someone or something would be affected if I disappeared one day.  I would move anywhere and start from scratch if I could find some evidence of something bigger than I am.

During college I went to a counselor after getting my bachelor degree in philosophy at Berkely.  I wanted to know what careers were in the field of my choosing and found that in order to teach philosophy I'd need to be a college professor with at least a doctorate in order to be considered.  I looked at the current career pathway and gave up on my dream after seeing that those teaching philosophy for a college usually are published and already come from money.  I saw the deck stacked against me and got an office job the next day for a company in Oakland.

I left my parents place right after high school and started apartment life at Fresno State, which is close to them, but that should tell you that I didn't really gel with parts of their lifestyle.  Mainly my father's anger.  I still talk to my mom everyday, but my brother and father are in the periphery of my existence.  I text memes with Alice and Jaime , who I met on WoW, both live several states away now and those are the closest relationships I have.  Alice was a guild leader I had a fling with, I went to Colorado where she lived and we had a relationship, but her lifestyle wasn't for me and I moved to finish my Degree at Berkely right after that.  Jaime was also a guildmate, but he was always dealing with problems, which made him always interesting to talk to because he's bi and dealt with constant relationship problems.

I'm 41 years old, my childhood is hazy.