Lewis Black's Questionnaire

I live in the illustrious city of Detroit. I chose this city for a few various reasons, the rent is cheap, the food is good, and most importantly my work has me stationed here. While I know it sounds morally grey to sell off brand medication to strangers, there are a surprisingly large amount of customers. I do have the decency to make sure that I don't sell the very addictive drugs to customers, narcotics need to be managed by hospitals or those who have intense chronic pain. But I'm getting beside myself, my home is just a humble 1 bedroom apartment. It is a bit cramped and dirty, but when I'm out so much for work or to enjoy myself I don't use it as more than a place to rest my head.

I'm a door to door salesman who sells off brand drugs that my company produces. It might sound shady at first but our goal is to make medication more accessible to the public and I hope to help ease the pain of those who have illnesses. The job doesn't pay the most since these drugs are cheaper than what's typically on the market, but I have a minor gun hobby and I spend my time collecting guns and liquor. In my off time recently I have experimented with trying to make my own medication or to invent a new drug with my funds.

Disease is a stain upon the pages of humanity. Throughout history humanity has suffered various plagues and incurable diseases and have caused countless billions to suffer the pain of death. My goal is to eradicate all disease and bring humanity as a whole to a new golden age of opportunity without the shackles of illness to hold even the weakest of us back. To do this I think I might even push myself to the limit and possibly get unwilling subjects if necessary to test medication I make so I can maybe even cure death. As someone who values human life its hard to even imagine killing for this, but if my back is to the wall and I must, I think I can take the dive and become a murderer. After all in the grand scheme of saving humanity a few drops in the bucket won't stop me from curing mankind.

The most defining event in my life was when I visited a hospital when I was a young boy. My father had become ill at the time and we were visiting, however I ended up becoming lost and ended up wandering to where terminally ill patients resided. I consider it my most misfortunate and eye opening moment as I met a young boy around my age with stage 5 cancer, and I befriended him only to tragically see him pass away. It had traumatized me for a long time and I realized I needed to do something with my life. I'm not sure what clicked in me to not become a doctor but fate must've guided me to pick this job and help those who couldn't afford the egregious prices most hospitals charge.

First is Mrs. DeCesare, she is a sweet lady who suffers from a chronic illness and doesn't have insurance to cover her medical bills who subscribes to our service for painkillers and cheap medication. I frequently visit her to check up and make sure that she doesn't have any issues or needs a top up. Next is a coworker of mine who I consider a bit of a rival, Robert Travis. He tends to try and steal customers from me all the time whenever we pick the same neighborhood. He is a snobby know it all who doesn't even bother dressing professionally, opting to wear slacks and a hoodie instead. Sometimes I wonder if he should become a target for my experiments when he gets especially insufferable. Finally there is my boss who roped me into this business and is my contact for all things drug related. Daren Warner is an older gentleman who helped me as a child after I expressed my wishes to cure illnesses, funding both my experiments and giving me a job at his company to help those truly in need.

My childhood was a rather rocky one. When I was young I had my first encounter with death from my cancer ridden friend who I met in the hospital. Later on, my parents who I considered great doctors and even better parents ended up contracting a deadly illness from a certain patient they were working on and passed away when I was at the tender age of 12. Until then I had attended school and never really fit in with kids my age, preferring to experiment with chemicals than play tag. However when my parents passed away, I ended up being adopted by Daren Warner who later became my boss as I grew up. After being adopted I dropped out of class and became homeschooled, learning about his company and the inner workings of chemistry, biology, and nutrition. With these I grew up a bit weird but rather knowledgeable as an adult.

I was never a man for romance no matter how charismatic I've been described as. With all the trauma I experienced growing up from losing those I am close to I started to put up a wall between me and those who attempted to get close to. After being homeschooled I ended up with little contact with those my age, instead interacting with adults and learning more about science. I have had quite a few women confess to me but nobody has interested me and now that I am in my 40s I would rather make my life's goal come true instead of trying to establish a family.

My worst fears are being unable to cure a disease, and recently I've become a germaphobe. I have always had a fear of failure, being unable to save those close to me has and will be a cross on my back, shackling me to mediocrity. Nowadays I haven't managed to fail in terms of saving people however, it always nags at my mind whenever I go near a hospital. Hospitals are cesspools of scum where doctors rake in large amounts of cash from the most unfortunate and if you don't have enough you go bankrupt. While it might seem hypocritical that I sell off brand medication when I could just give it away to those in need, I make sure that this medication is cheap and effective. I won't charge an arm and a leg for a box of bandages and some ibuprofen if I help give a checkup. What is weird though is my new case of germaphobia. This hampers my work since a lot of people who need help don't have good living conditions and I beat myself up over it. I'm not sure why but after I received that strange staff I became concerned with sterilizing most instruments and hands I come in contact with. Hopefully this won't hamper me in the future.

My most prized possession is a special gold and silver pocketwatch that I typically keep at my house. It currently exists as the only thing left connecting me to my parents. I obtained it on my twelfth birthday and have cherished it ever since then. On the back of it there exists a secret compartment with a folded up picture of my parents inside so I can remember their faces even as a fully grown man. Whenever I need to attend a fancy dinner for our company I tend to bring it with me as I feel it adds a sense of style and old money to me. There is another item which is a special Smith and Wesson 41 pistol that is covered in engravings. I purchased that with my first paycheck and it has suited me well ever since. Typically it is my weapon of choice on contracts as I am not the most physically fit.

The biggest problem I am facing at the moment is that my research has stagnated. I have reached a blockade on how to eradicate all diseases in the world. Currently I have obtained a power from my adventures that can theoretically cure any disease a person suffers but I have no common method of mass producing it. While I am able to make one per month without much difficulty, it seems others aren't able to make it despite giving them the recipe and instructions on how to make it. So now I am torn between investing all of my time into futile attempts at mass producing these by myself or trying to gain a new power to cure people at a large scale. Every time I get more and more desperate I seem to be influenced by these faint whispers of alien origin, seemingly influencing my decision making. I'm starting to get worried if this staff I obtained is a gift or a curse more and more each day.

Waking up, I take a cold shower to shake off the fatigue from the night before and brew myself some coffee. Next I start experimenting and attempting to make new medications. Afterwards I eat breakfast while reading the newspaper. In today's society the newspaper is going out of fashion and it becomes harder and harder to get a newspaper reliably. Once I finish my newspaper reading I start calling all of my clients to see if they have any issues with their medication or dosages in case they need an adjustment or if they have any questions for me. Once all of that is over I get in contact with my work to see what new product they need for me to sell and what neighborhood I will be sent to that week. Afterwards I get on with my shift, praying I don't encounter that asshole coworker Robert Travis, he always ends up souring my mood and making my sales plummet for the day.