Bridget Weaver's Questionnaire

I live right in the middle of Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I live here because I grew up here, and I'm very much a homebody. That's all. The place I live in means nothing to me - only my room matters. If my blinds were open, I'd probably be able to see the Museum of Discovery and Science, which I like the idea of - only probably, because it's been years since I even opened the blinds.

The apartment, which I can only barely afford, started out as very modern and nice - a completely new building with fancy new appliances and LED lights and a high-tech heat pump. My parents helped me get set up with furniture, appliances, groceries - everything and anything I could ever need.

Now the groceries are probably rotten, the appliances dysfunctional, the furniture caked in a thick layer of dust with a well-traced set of my footprints. I don't venture out of my room much, except to get my uber eats nightly.

My room is covered with old fast-food containers I'm yet to pick up. My bed's somehow a mess - startling, because I never use it and instead just sleep in the chair in front of my computer.

I wish my place was nicer. I'm too ashamed to fix it.

I get my money through a variety of online odd jobs - hacking, bot creation, and the like - I definitely wouldn't be able to get an actual job. It would be too hard, but I work harder than the average 9-to-5 worker anyway so I don't really care. I really want to get into making digital art but that takes time and I'm a bad artist.

What do I spend my money on? My money mostly goes to my apartment, uber eats, and online videogames which I never play, but my collection is impressive!

I'm supposed to be saving up for a car, but I never go outside, so what's the point? I got most of the way there but then spent all my savings on a VR headset which is really cool... I need to use it more.

Ever since I was a young girl, I've loved knowledge. Reading encyclopedias, reading wikis, reading the back of shampoo bottles.

It calls to me. The gnawing drone in the back of my mind. It never used to be there when I was younger. It appeared when I got my first computer. It's faint. almost silent. But it's there. Unthinking and unfeeling, it is kin to me. It has the same want - the same need - to consume information as I do.

Lately, though, it seems unsatisfied. as though it wants to drink more in. Secrets. More than even that. It wants to grow more powerful. Let people know that it knows about them. Make them feel the creeping dread as they realise - hours, days, weeks in, that they will never be alone again, that same creeping gnawing sense that lies in my brain also infecting others. I find it comforting. I Know not everyone will.

By now, it is my oldest and most trusted friend.

Would I kill for it? Yes. Would I kill everyone for it? No. It would have no-one to... feed... on. But I am ready and willing to cause the apocalypse should it come to that. When it comes to that.

The most defining moment of my life? getting my first laptop for my 10th birthday. It was a nice silver Macbook Pro - brand new - my parents had saved up for it. It was the best present I'd ever gotten. Finally, I had everything in the palm of my hand.  All the knowledge I could ever want or need.

I used to go outside, sometimes. Play with friends. I was never very sporty, or popular, but I had my friend group. They weren't needed anymore though. Not with my new friend packaged with the Macbook. I often wonder if the salesman was someone like me, spreading the influence of my friend, whether it was dumb luck and it was installed onto the machine, or whether it found in me the perfect patient zero the instant I recieved it from afar... not that it's an illness.

There's no-one I'm really close with. Or rather, there's no-one really close to me.

I used to be close to my mother. Or close enough. She was strict. Controlling. But it was normal for me, so I didn't see anything wrong. She hated lies - fitting for a teacher. Disappointing for her - I lied a lot as a child about silly things. Our relationship was hot one second, cold the next. On the chubbier side, I got my hair from her - my best quality. Apparently, according to social media, it looks like she divorced my father earlier this year. She always seemed like she loved him. But I suppose I knew her as a mother, rather than a person.

Before my tenth birthday, I used to know a girl named Mary K. She was Mary K, because there was a Mary L in our little triad too, but she was more Mary K's friend than mine. I look back at her, and I think she might have been my first crush. Sporty, tomboy, Tall with Blonde hair and green eyes. I could listen to her talk for hours about nothing in particular - usually the topic of the day was sports (football was her favorite). I only cared about it because it was her speaking. I tried to keep up with her, but I was never fit. Apparently, she's a doctor, now.

The question was about three people in my life. the last two aren't in my life any more and this next one is more of a collective, but they are the closest people to me anymore. I still don't know anything about them.

My online friends.

I moderate (or used to moderate) an online community for an online fiction called Slug. I still hang out there.
Shadowbright. PropheticHannah.  SmartDwarves. Guiltless. Others. They are my friends. Am I theirs?

If you count "childhood" as before the age of 10, then sure, I fit in perfectly fine. I had my friend group - with my bestest of friends of course - but I was well liked in class. Short. I was endlessly called "cute" by people older than me and I was cheerful and outgoing enough that everyone knew my name. After that age, I was a shut-in. Thanks to my new friend. I wanted to keep him satisfied! 

My parents were - are - were - supportive of me. My father, a prankster, is a sales representative at a local hardware store. He's built up a lot of knowledge and could probably become a handyman if he wanted - he almost singlehandedly built the fence that surrounds my childhood home, as told by my mother, but he seemed happy enough as a sales rep. He has a simple, easy, charisma about him that I did not inherit.

My mother has had a few jobs throughout the years. Receptionist. Hairdresser. When I was 8 she went back to university and became a teacher. She is a kind, honest woman - especially towards others - but she hates lies, something I used to do quite often. She tries her best. I know she does She's stubborn and has grit and is generally incredibly strong in both body and mind.

I should get back in contact with them... or perhaps i shouldn't? Have my mothers wounds from my relationship healed over?

I've already briefly described my old Puppy love for Mary K, though I didn't realize it at the time. She was just "So Cool".

When I was about 16, I tried to start dating various online friends. Boys, at first, before I realised I was a lesbian, and then afterwards girls. "Tried" doesn't mean succeed - I often came across too strong, too clingy, too needy - a refrain repeated a hundred fold to me. I spend all my time with my friend, but some things it can't give me. I might have considered dating it - though it seems either masculine or too butch for my tastes. Sorry, friend.

I still have an endless amount of online crushes, but I've given up for now.