Jorge's Questionnaire

I come from the streets of Brooklyn. I come from a land far away where the palm trees sway and the deserts are all I've roamed. I come from a place where the sky is green and the ground is blue. I come from another time away from here, where kings ruled and dragons brewed. I come from many places, many places indeed.

My current residence contains my store, my shop. I sell many wares, yes many wares. These days it is quite hard to get these sorts of wares around. The world is... changing, changing of course means prices go up! Yes, yes they do. But for you my good friend, I grant you a discount on the first thing you see in here.  

Now if you don't mind... how about you buy something already?

This Money I have is from my sales. I am quite a seller man in the business for certain interested buyers! They come to my store and ask for many many things. These days though, many come for artefacts and occult wares. I attempt to source such things for them. They are very good customers, they pay very well. Of course, much of my spending is for my store and my stock.

Now, I am noticing your lack of buying and I'm beginning to question what you're doing here. You are not so much a fan of this whole dealmaking thing now are you? 

Go on, pick whatever your heart desires.

Ah, a wise choice... come, come! Let me tell you a tale passed down from merchant to merchant...

Long ago lived a man known for his wares, he'd travel the many kingdoms of his homeland as one did back in those days.

Every month he'd travel to the farmers who had set up their crops along the rivers. And every month there'd be a new blight against their crops, so he would sell them something to fix the soil and in return he would obtain a little cash and what little unblighted crop they had.

And then he'd move to the small towns who had relied on the farmers. Many of them would become sickly every month due to the rot overtaking the crops. And so he'd sell them a cure to their ailments and food that was not filled with blight. He would be paid with what they could all muster up.

And then he'd move to the courts of the kings, who each month had an odd sickness. And so, he would offer to remove all the mold and fungus from the castle and give the king a cure from a far away land. With this, he would be paid handsomely for his services and be given a room to stay the night.

He would leave under darkness.

He would hide small amounts of mold so that it would grow to feed again when all were asleep.

He would go through the town once more and contaminate their waters

And then he would go to the farmers and plant the rest of the fungus and mold near their crops.

And then he'd leave, only to come back the next month to a population of eager customers.

Good story, eh, eh? I have heard it told many times... so it is possible that some of these details are... a little off. 

What's that? How does this relate to your purchase? Well, don't be such a spoil sport, I have told you a great story! You do not look a gift horse in the mouth now, do you? 

Fine, I grant you a one-time 5% discount for listening to my tale. You drive a hard bargain.

You ask too many questions... too many. Never the less, I suppose it was when I was but a boy. My father had joined the merchant's guild, you see he was a good man, and an even greater--

Yes, that is an actual thing, do you think I would lie to you? I have already given you 5% off! That is enough, is it not? Now, do you want my answer to your silly questions or no?

Thank you. 

Now, as I was saying... It all started when my father was killed by an angry customer. he was a working man of true mercantile power, but he could not avoid a man with a g--

What do you mean, I'm changing the story? Clearly you are just mishearing me! Now, If you're going to interrupt me when I am telling my tales, I might just revoke that 5% discount. Got it? 

Good...

Where was I... oh yes! My father was a terrible man, yes. He would beat me day by day until he died of mysterious circumstances... When his funeral came, I could not cry... but my mother was heartbroken and could not go on... it was then I vowed to become a better man and merchant than my father...

You still do not believe me? Well... I suppose you are just mistaken then, I have clearly given you my fantastic origin story. Now, are you going to buy that or not?

What are you, a cop? Less questions, more buying! Do you think I have time to get close to anyone? It is all about sales.

Fine, as long as you buy it at double the price! Yes, your 5% discount applies of course...

I know a lady down by the courthouse, we do not speak much, but she is a good customer. She buys many of my more... underground goods. I believe she is a stripper.

There is a man who had told me his name is Leon. I do not see many Leon around, but he is a lot more upfront about what is sold. I gave him some eggs awhile back. He pays fine.

And then there is a man of god. I believe he has told me his name was Edwin one time and another, a David.

I do not know why he comes to me, but does.

Why would a man of god be coming to my store?

Perhaps he is seeking an answer from his own god in the same way I seek an answer to why you ask me such ridiculous questions!

Now, if you would kindly pay up...

Ah! So you return...  the first hit wasn't enough for you? 

No?

Well my friend! Welcome back to my store! You are in th- 

What's that? You are wishing to know of my childhood? 'Pah! More of these questions and I'll throw you out! I kid, I kid... but seriously, if you're going to ask anything more... you might as well buy something while you're here. 

Good choice, mein freund! Yes, yes... now come closer... you see, I came from a great line of merchants. Yes, yes, many years ago when I was but a boy, my parents... bless their hearts, sent me off to boarding school in the wastes of Siberia...

Yes this is true! Very true! I would never lie to youu...

Now in boarding school I would be bullied by maaaanny of the boys for being... bizarre.

This is a very true story, yes! 

They would come and kick me in the shins and then when summer came, they would ride their camels to the desert and-

What do you mean Russia? I never said such a thing. No, no you must've misheard me, I said Arabia! Very clearly said! You are not an idiot, I know that much...

Back in Arabia they would put me in the sands and I would have to fight my way out of it... it was no good! Very bad indeed... but it could've been worse, much worse...

In fact, they could've been like you and not bought anything yet!

A Merchant, In love? What, are you trying to woo me? Of course not! I am a man of strength, of course. Why would one ever need such a thing? I am married to my work, just as one is married to their wife or married to their husband... or whatever you are married to! 

Speaking of... you know what would make a great gift for a significant other? That little item you've got in your hands right there. Yes, yes.

Now please, if you'd like to keep your status as a premium customer, I'd suggest you pay up instead of asking too many questions... too many questions leads to too many issues, yes?

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Thank you, thank you... come again soon... heheh.