Vivian Crux's Questionnaire

You shift in the night, your bed creaking as you think. Why were you here? What kept you in Tingen? Besides your job of course, was it, fear of the unknown?

Being scared of what may lay beyond the city? This place alone is already terrifying, the shadowed cheers of a forbidden crowd that beckoned you towards the shadows was a good reminder of that. Strangely enough, they went silent when in complete darkness like now, as if glad you were cloaked in darkness with no light to guide you back. This is, a..reasonable development.

You sigh, unable to sleep, scrambling for your lighter, you ignite the bedside candle, the small glow illuminating your room, a small work desk with a locking drawer that held your thoughts and studies, your closet that contained your clothing for your stage self. Something you have slowly grown to hate.

Another night of studying, you guessed, your performances had suffered a bit lately, but they were still well above the mark compared to the others. sitting down you lit your desk candle and blew out your bed candle, focusing on your studies as you tried to ignore the increasingly tangible hands that grasped at your mind.

Once more in your home, having just cleaned off your make-up, you sat at the kitchen table, alone and nursing a cup of coffee, the clock's monotone ticking providing you some small comfort.

Money was not a concern anymore, you were, strangely popular at your club, attracting nobles, the money was good, at least. You didn't particularly hate serving the nobles, even if they were stuck up, they weren't uncomfortable to be around for long periods of time. They even treated you to food occasionally.

Looking around your decent household, almost a luxury in this city, you faintly smiled, proud of your accomplishments so far.

A grand plan, you have. A simple idea in theory but, when expanded upon, it is a great endeavor that may span your life, for now. You want to expand your influence across the globe, become someone important, someone scary, someone in charge.

The shadows pull you in another direction however, they want you to join with them, promising fame and glory. The, temptation is there, but you fear what indulging might bring. you've heard of vague tall tales of people going mad.

Though, you fear, you might go mad with the route you are planning to forge. The people you may have to kill, the things you may have to do, you fear losing your sense of self but also know it may come naturally.

Beyonders, they are powerful beings, their potions may grant me the power i seek..

Your most defining moment was, that notebook, you had found it while browsing a library, it was, open and you hadn't meant to look at it too closely, but when you saw it, you got latched onto it. With a quick swipe it was under your clothing, the..shadows weren't loud then, it was a quiet time, you felt almost peaceful, recalling it.

But beyond that point, everything began to deteriorate, you found yourself starting to devote yourself to your studies, and when the notebook was out of knowledge, you had found yourself thirsting for more, and more, and more, until you had read everything you found interesting, and it still didn't sate you, you are not sated.

You had, very few people in your life that properly mattered.

There was your boss, who you, didn't really care for, they merely used you as a tool, and you used them as such as well, it was a mutual gain, nothing important, nothing special ever came of it, sadly.

The nobles, they were your primary source of income and they helped get you started with sating your knowledge, even if you are still hungry for more, their connections are handy, to the point that you've considered becoming a personal dancer to a few when they offered, due to the power they hold. But you declined, it would be too restrictive for now.

your co-workers, people jealous of you, you understood why they would be, you attracted the nobles, and you had received a proper education, you didn't belong in this club, not in their eyes at least, they never did anything to hurt you, but they did exclude you, besides a few, who you had drinks with, very rarely.

Your childhood was, simple, as far as you knew, you were raised by parents you could barely remember. went to school that was boring, it was all simple, nothing entertained you, nothing was interesting. It was basic knowledge on how to live. Maybe that's why you struggled sometimes, you missed something in school.

But, none of that mattered when compared to your reputation in school, known as the creepy girl, the one who shouldn't but hung out with, you were too serious, too manipulative, you didn't intend to be considered like that, but one of your webs was found, strings were pulled, and everything came tumbling down. So you stopped caring about them, stopped caring about many things.

But, eventually, you had found A calling, not one you particularly enjoyed. Dance. You were good at dancing, to the point your parents pushed you to make money using it, and so you did. It was boring work, boring, boring boring, all the way until your adult life. It was simple.

You were glad you had a much weirder life now, it felt more real.

You, have never felt in love, no one truly appeals to you, for now at least. You couldn't find it interesting enough, there was no spark to it, no one stuck out to you, you've tried dating, but nothing came of it, you hope you would find someone eventually, but you've made peace with the fact you would live a solitary love life, and that did not displease you, you would not be chained down by a lover. You would not be something to chain others down.

You fear a mundane life, you want excitement, danger, something, anything, you want to be useful.

The shadows are one of your worst fears, the way they taunt and tempt you, trying to drag you into the abyss. They seem ever deeper now, the temptation more real. You fear they are growing, infesting more of your brain, you've always known they were going to drag you into the abyss eventually. But you did not expect to become so close to the edge already, you were scared of it. Extremely glad that the church would be, helping you slowly, you hope. Niel had also stated something else concerning, the church might find you dangerous, extremely so.

Your other fear is, the eyelashless eyes, they have been following you, watching. Waiting, you've seen them a few times now, once in the ritual you attempted, once when you tried to speak about them, and behind Niel..Niel, what do they know?
He has to know something, anything, maybe he knows how you can get rid of them, or how to seal them away. The eyes made you weary, paranoid, and acknowledging the knowledge they whisper, it, it makes you fear losing yourself, because this power is real, its very real, but its dangerous, a forbidden fruit, you would need to learn to control this.

You do not have any particular possession of value to you, they were all 'valuable' but none of them stood out to you. You simply, shifted your fashion and possessions to fit the situation you were in. Though, you guessed, if you had to gauge what might be the most valuable to you, it would be the badge that rests above your breast pocket. It was, nice to have somewhere to properly belong, something you could call your own.

Sure your house was your own but, it was lonely, something you were okay with. But, the nighthawks, they brought a form of happiness with them, it felt nice to be with them, especially Niel and Royale, they made things feel like everything would be okay, despite the horrors of the world. You would protect them with all of your might, even if it led to a confrontation with them.

Niel was first, you needed to talk with him, he knew about the eyelashless eyes, he knew what they were, but dismissed them as a ritual. You needed to confront him on it.

The biggest problem in your life, it was rather simple, the corruption and external influences acting upon you, powerless to stop them due to your lack of strength. Not to mention you continually prodding them, in an essence, you were your own problem, but you couldn't help it. It was a drive to find out more, even if it bit, and scratched, and melted your mind away.

But, you were getting better at managing it, especially as you continue to learn, as if your desire was being satisfied, yet it was drawing you deeper. Further into the abyss, threatening to turn you into the very miserable wretch you fight against as a Nighthawk. It was, difficult to manage, but you were, stable, for now.

You, had to thank the mark as well, its burning brought you back to focus occasionally, despite the implications it has on you, the threat that loomed over your head.

Every morning, you awaken with a small jolt, the shadows whispering their tempting thoughts into your mind, promising freedom and the release of joining them. You resisted. You refused to join them, despite the desire to just let them consume you. You had a goal, you had a purpose.

That purpose was the nighthawks and your new family. So you would continue to resist the shadows...plus, you were not sure you could be taken by them anymore, considering the mark on your hand. You still didn't know what exactly it did, you need to find out. Desperately.

So, for now, you will persist to resolve everything, then, if the shadows became unbearable, you would not feel despair upon succumbing to them, you might actually feel happy. Who knows, not you.

But, one thing you did know, the shadows hurt others. And that scares you, because it means that your existence was harmful, you need to figure out a way to quell them when others come over.

A black long-sleeved dressed serving as the base, with a dark grey collar that has a simply tied long red bow on the front, various layers added to the chest and skirt helps round out the figure to make it more appealing, but not overly so.

Wearing a layered petticoat underneath allows the dress's skirt to be more exaggerated and flowy without becoming too stiff, still allowing for rapid movement should the need arise, in addition the petticoat has a small bit of hardened but lightweight material added to it to help armor the dress a small bit, you were a beyonder after all, you always needed some form of protection, no matter how little.

the accessories were simple thankfully, a platinum pocket-watch attached to the right of your chest with a clip, allowing for easy access to the time. A small veil over your head would help prevent anyone from recognizing your face unless they had good eyesight or got a good look at your face, which if you were in a position to do so, you weren't intending to hide your face in the first place.

tucked away into your sleeves contained wristbands holding small throwing knives, specially designed to be wielded by you in such a concealed state, you could easily draw and throw such a blade with a bit of practice.

You weren't sure if you were going to have a next birthday at this rate, but, should it come, you would invite your family to a nice meal, one that could even make the lower upper class jealous, it would take a long time, but you could save up to do it, if you saved a small bit.

Other then that, you would find a nice rooftop and sip apple-juice with a close friend, it might seem childish but, it was a comfort for you, a small reminder of what life was like before you became a beyonder...despite the fact you, can't really remember your birthdays..

Your biggest regret was..obviously Neil, if only you had stayed in Tingen, you might have been able to notice the signs of him corrupting and turning into a rampager..Or even, just..reporting him, you knew what he was doing in some form, that alchemical life recipe, you saw the blood, you heard what he wanted to do, you KNEW he was doing something stupid and dangerous.

So why didn't you stop him..? Was it, trust in him? That he would make it out? that he wouldn't turn into the very thing you fought against and tried to avoid becoming..?

Or was it, because you saw an old man and let your damned guard down..he, he was like your grandfather, one you didn't properly know before and were meeting for the first time..you didn't actually..know your family, you were lying to him when you said you knew, but its just these..generic stories in your head, you don't feel any real connection to them.

You needed to figure this out, what..why..

Your gifts, they couldn't even be called gifts, more like..boons, they had a drawback, however, the threat of madness, corruption and more..you could become a rampager at any moment, and you would become the very thing you swore to fight against as a Nighthawk..the very thing..Neil had become, you feared it, you ran from it.

Your gifts would advance through potions, special liquids formed out of mystical and mundane ingredients, allowing one to advance through a path to divinity. But you had to..act the part, if you did not act the part, you would take forever to advance, and could end up old and decrepit before even advancing to a sequence 8..

So it was a risky gamble, one you took everyday, balancing your act with your actual self, you had to be careful not to lose yourself in your act, but still had to do just enough to be recognized and accepted by the potions you drank.