...I don't really care about where I live. Not like I have enough money to complain about it.
I live in this rag of an apartment complex just... Doing whatever. It's really bland right now.
Anything to get me out of my old house. I hate my mom. She's so...
i don't know
i just didn't wanna put up with her anymore
this home definitely is definitely lonelier
but at least it's better than being bickered every passing second for, just existing
the apartment itself is really okay
im not ungrateful
i dont wanna feel ungrateful
thats not me
i dont wanna make it look like thats just me
i just
whatever, i like my current apartment
sorry
not much? I kinda just live day by day now. I managed to get a small job, I think it counts as being a wagie right now?
it's just barely enough for food and rent, i don't get to use my laptop as much as i want to, at least for the reasons i want to
I don't really like this job anymore. It made everything electronics at least 10x as boring. It sucks so much.
I used to be a person. Or, not at all really. I don’t remember, or rather, don’t want to.
…am I repeating myself too much?
... i just want to be someone
i want to feel wanted. i want to be someone
all these years of being and none have i felt something dear
maybe i did at one point? i don't remember
i yearn for someone to hold me in any way yet i end up pushing them away because of my personal ineptitude
i... wouldn't kill anyone for anything, ever
no one deserves that kind of punishment, id rather it happen to me even if i didn't know the person
working a 9-5 on some monotone job about making simple programs for another company bores you the hell out and that’s bad cuz my mind wanders too much
i don’t know anymore
i just want to be something
im not sure
maybe it was just, breaking off with my mom? or just her presence?
i don't know. i never liked her
maybe it was that time i tried to 'fess up to her and she just spat on my face and told me to keep going in a way i wasn't familiar?
i don't... know.
ive been too used to being used as a puppet to essentially do things when asked so maybe the whole me moving out aspect? i have a "life" now, apparently
not that it's the greatest either, i still possess 0 real friends so far lol
the only one i really had left
i'm not sure i have enough words to describe how uneventful it is
my mom... she's not the greatest out there
a lot of the interactions we had, or at least the ones i remember, were just her screaming at me for anything
a false sense of security and appreciation. i felt like i needed to do something in turn to just be... acknowledged. not even loved.
i don't... i still don't feel like enough.
my dad wasn't there.
i have no other people to recognize other than... them.
some part of me tells me that i wasn't even at fault here, but somehow i still feel guilty.
we drifted apart, due to a lot of issues on both of our lives
they were trying to just barely survived, while i attached myself to them, probably adding to their burden.
i was called a liability, a "burden", essentially. blamed for trying to survive, too.
i still can't get those words out of my mind.
"i fear this may not be something i could forgive"
i'm sorry