Schrodinger's Chef Bread out of rocks? Grapes out of gloves? I gotchu

1
This Artifact grants you the power to enhance your tools beyond mundane limits.
Used by Delphyrion Arcanis, Created by Cryst0lline.
( You must use this Artifact obviously when activating this Effect.)

The gift appears to be a large backpack. One can put any object inside and loudly declares, while holding the backpack, "If only I had [food item]". Be sure that there are no other items in the backpack, because they will be consumed.
(Note that one cannot request a whole dish; for example, they can order plain macaroni, but not mac and cheese).

Open the backpack after five minutes to reveal the requested food item, whose output weight matches that of the input. The taste of the food will depend on the value of the object. Make sure it's exactly 5 minutes. Who knows what'll happen if it isn't.
Black goo will always seep out from the bottom of the backpack when in use.

On the backpack:
It's easy enough to mistake for any backpack at all, and Delphyrion has not put a label on it. They have lost quite a few beakers and pens to it whenever they mused about their next experiment, as they often reach epiphanies by saying, "If only I had [food item]". Perhaps that's why the artifact works this way.

On food quality:
For some reason the output quality directly ties to the price of food in Orlando. So, put a 5-cent pencil in the backpack, and you'll get a 5-cent quality potato fry.
Also, yeah, make sure it's 5 minutes exactly. This is a theoretical number; no one has tried to test its limits, hence its reference to Schrodinger.
(On a critical fail, one fails to retrieve the food in time and it is either underdeveloped or spoiled.)

On the black goo:
Delphyrion themself isn't sure what it is, nor do they ever remember to analyze it. It doesn't seem to leave any residue on the backpack itself, though it stains quite horribly on porous material including skin. With enough washes it should go away.
If consumed, call the Poison Control Center and pray.
(Also pray that you are not Dephyrion, the chemist who has had 0 interaction with any religion at all, and therefore still thinks priests can get pregnant.)

On Madness:
One gets uncontrollably angry at the sight or mention of any food that did not come out of the backpack. It feels as if one is running a state-of-the-art restaurant, yet people line up for the nearby McDonald's instead. Delphyrion feels this way towards content farms like 1-minute arts.

Expend a point of Battery and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Roll a single D10 as a critical failure check. If you roll a 1, the Effect fails, and you think the backpack has created the intended food item. In fact, it appears and smells more delightful than it should, to the point that you are urged to eat it right away no matter what. You will develop Vertigo upon eating the food as it turns out to be incredibly poisonous. Cannot be used to improve Armor.

Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.

Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their mind and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Trauma: No Outside Food - upon sight or mention of food that you did not create, roll Self-Control to contain the urge to cannibalize yourself or the person who brought up the food. If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Trauma heals over the course of the next day.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
  • Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

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Revision purchased with:
Gift from playing in Crois deora spent on new power: Schrodinger's Chef
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Community Artifact Crafting Gifts

Pawn is well, a Pawn, she is generic, so i figured her summons should look like her to create that effect

Expend a point of Battery and spend an Action.

Summon a single Sapient Black pawn at your location. They last for two hours or until they move more than 150 feet from you or are destroyed. They are controlled by the GM but will follow any commands you give. This Artifact may have at most one active at a time.

  • Initiative: Minions act directly after you in Combat starting the Round after they are summoned.
  • Combat: Minions roll 3 dice to dodge, Grapple, or make Spear Attacks. Their unarmed Attacks are melee range and deal +0 Damage.
  • Body/Mind: Minions have 3 Body. Your minions roll 3 Mind resistance dice.
  • Armor: Minions have 1 Armor.
  • Movement: Minions can move 15 feet per Round as Free Movement and double that when performing an all-out Sprint.
  • Intelligence: Minions have human-level intelligence and can speak your language. They can use equipment, Artifacts, and Consumables. However, they cannot Exert their Mind.
  • Actions: Any Perception checks they make are rolled with 3 dice. If ordered to protect someone with its life, your Minion may sacrifice itself to absorb an Attack on their behalf, provided it is within 15 feet of them. Any other roll is made with 3 dice. They can lift and haul as though they have 2 Brawn.
  • Unusual: Minions are obviously Alien to any observer.

  • Minions die if targeted with Energy Transfer (before the Effect resolves) or if an Artifact or Consumable they use would Injure them or cause them to roll Trauma.
  • Your minions may count as additional targeting types based on their flavor. For example: Living, Computer, Creature, etc.

You gain the following benefits as long as you have not used an action for anything besides an All-Out Sprint this round and you are wearing this Artifact.

Whenever you use your Movement, after all other calculations, the distance you may travel is increased by 25 feet.

If you were moving quicker than you could without super speed and go a Round without using your Movement, you collapse and must remain immobile and resting for two Rounds.

  • Any Encumbrance penalty to your movement still applies, but you do not suffer from any sort of exhaustion.
  • Damage from a collision depends on your speed at the time, as well as what you hit. GM's discretion, but generally moving faster than a car on the freeway and hitting a dense, solid object like a wall or a tree should be lethal. Mundane armor will not apply, but any supernatural forms of protection will.

Spend an Action. Select a door, container, knot, or lock within arm's reach. This can be used on Alien targets.

You may lock, unlock, and/or open your target.

You can open and close doors which are already unlocked at your full range with no Exertion cost.

You may Exert your Mind and spend two Actions to seal a lock or a closed door. Sealed doors / locks cannot be destroyed, removed, or operated by mundane means. When sealing a door, you may specify a passphrase which grants access.

  • Operating some locking mechanisms through this Effect may have a secondary effect, such as a turn-key ignition on an older or cheaper car causing it to start or stop. Note that the locking mechanism itself must satisfy the standard targeting requirements (including line of sight), not just the vehicle.
  • Any mechanism that requires a key, keycard, key fob, or combination may be considered locked, at the GM's discretion. This Effect may be used on doors and containers secured with control panels or other electronic locks, but not computer security systems at large.
  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

Exert your Mind and spend an Action. Select a Living target within 45 feet. Roll Brawn + Alertness Difficulty 6. The target may contest by rolling to Dodge or Defend as a Reaction, Difficulty 6.

If the Contested Outcome is positive, the target takes that much Damage plus 4.

  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

Expend a point of Battery and spend a minute. Investigate an area with a radius of up to 500 feet At the end of your investigation, roll Perception + Investigation at Difficulty 6.

You learn the following information about the area:

  • You can locate the source of any Alien energy or the presence of any Alien effects on the area. Specific information about the function of these effects beyond their general type is not forthcoming.
  • You learn how heavily trafficked the area is, what sorts of Animate beings have moved through the area and when.
The quality and specificity of information gained depends on your Outcome.

Possession of this Artifact causes the following Trauma to manifest over the course of a day: compulsion to never leave a teammate behind or harm a teammate. If you lose possession of this Artifact, the Trauma heals over the course of the next month.

You may only use this Effect once per day.

  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

Stock Artifact Crafting Gifts

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You get +0 dice to any Mind resistance rolls you make. You also gain the following effects:

  • Naturally Resistant: Any time you make a Mind resistance roll, the individual who you are resisting must Exert their Mind, or your resistance succeeds automatically.
  • Clash Of Wills: If you fail to fully resist an Effect, your Outcome is considered to be 0.

  • These bonuses apply only to Mind rolls made to resist Effects and other supernatural phenomena. They do not apply to Trauma rolls or self-control rolls.

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You get +2 dice to any Body resistance rolls you make. You also gain the following effects:

  • Survivor: You are immune to all non-Alien diseases.
  • All Brawn No Brain: You suffer a -2 dice penalty on Mind resistance rolls.

  • These bonuses apply only to Body rolls made to resist Effects and other supernatural phenomena. They do not apply to other contexts such as attacks made while under the Creature Transformation Effect.