Silent Coach Ask Not For Whom La Cucaracha Honks

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An extraordinary spectral RV.
Used by BETH☠️METAL, Created by lesbianspacepirate.
On Legendary Artifact Beth's Tour Bus.

Charred and triumphant, BETH☠️METAL's exploded tour bus returns to the land of the living once more. Still, neither of them seem to have returned unaltered.

Noli respicere post tergum in infernum.


This Artifact can be used as a spectral RV. It is roughly the same size as a spectral RV and just as difficult to conceal.

This spectral RV has soundproofing. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Mind of its Own: This vehicle can move and take Actions without you driving it. It has seven dice for all Drive rolls.
  • Steady As She Goes: The motion of your vehicle never causes your passengers dice penalties, and you do not suffer dice penalties from the unsteadiness of any vehicle you are riding in.


Community Legendary Artifact Gifts

Kamacite is an iron nickel alloy found only in meteorites, a fact that helped convince the iron dragon Harun to infuse this piece of metal with a piece of his soul.

This Artifact can be used as a javelin. It is roughly the same size as a javelin but can be collapsed into a Kamacite scale and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

Attack by rolling Kickass + Athletics, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +3 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Return: When you throw this weapon, you may opt to have it return to your possession at the end of the attack. Whoever threw this artifact last may use an Action to recall it from up to 100 feet away, attacking one target in its return path as they do so.
  • Virtuoso's Vessel: When using this Device for its primary purpose, you always roll a minimum of 8 dice. Excludes Effect activation rolls.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

This Artifact can be used as a heavy sniper rifle. It is roughly the same size as a heavy sniper rifle but can be collapsed into Pink Tamagachi and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Firearms, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +5 Weapon Damage.

This item is a living thing. When targeted, it counts as a Living Creature in addition to its other target types. If destroyed or abandoned for more than two days, it dies and becomes unusable.

Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their mind and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Trauma: Separation Anxiety. If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Trauma heals over the course of the next day.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Any Injury inflicted is considered Unstabilized no matter its Severity. The roll required to Stabilize it is treated as though it is a minimum of Severity 6. These wounds do not heal naturally, though Effects may still be used to heal them.
  • Infinite Ammo: This weapon never runs out of its standard ammunition.
  • Virtuoso's Vessel: When using this Device for its primary purpose, you always roll a minimum of 8 dice. Excludes Effect activation rolls.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.
  • Rifles are +1 Difficulty to use in melee range. Sniper Rifles are +3 Difficulty to use without a tripod or in melee range. Setting up a tripod takes an Action.

Expend a point of Battery and spend an Action.

You may move easily and without a roll in any of the following situations. Lasts 2 hours.

  • Land Swimmer: You are able to swim through sand, mud, snow, and other semi-solid materials as long as they are made of loose pieces or are not particularly dense. While doing so, you move at half your normal movement speed.
  • Pathfinder: You are adept at making your way through crowds, underbrush, and other dense, congested environments. While doing so, you move at full speed.
  • Spider Climber: You are able to climb on and cling to any surface without regard for the ordinary rules of gravity. You climb at half your normal movespeed.
  • Surface Skimmer: You are able to move across the top of any bodies of water, ice, or other surfaces where others might sink with no penalty to your movement speed.

  • This Effect not provide any inherent protection from dangerous surfaces such as acid, lava, etc, so be careful!

You gain the following benefits as long as you are in this artifact’s alternate form and you are wearing this Artifact.

You can run at three times your normal movement speed.

You may bring another being along without affecting your Encumbrance, so long as you maintain contact with them for the duration and they consent or are grappled.

  • Any Encumbrance penalty to your movement still applies, but you do not suffer from any sort of exhaustion.
  • Damage from a collision depends on your speed at the time, as well as what you hit. GM's discretion, but generally moving faster than a car on the freeway and hitting a dense, solid object like a wall or a tree should be lethal. Mundane armor will not apply, but any supernatural forms of protection will.

This Artifact can change its appearance. When not transformed, it is roughly the same size as a Document but can be collapsed into a Prismatic Cube and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

Spend a Quick Action to activate. This Artifact changes its appearance into a chosen Object. This lasts until you decide to end the Effect, which may be done as a Free Action.

The new object's appearance can mimic specific items (such as a particular painting, a certain person’s ID, etc), but must be of a similar size and weight to this Artifact.

The new appearance is illusory; it will hold up to scrutiny, but its composition is not altered and it gains no new functionality. Any attempt to use it for a function which it cannot perform (for instance, making bread look like a knife and then trying to stab someone) will cause the illusion to fail or allow a Perception check to see through the illusion, at the GM's discretion.

When used as identification and scanned, the scanner will act appropriately and bring up appropriate generic information. Further searches for the identity in the computer will turn up no results. This will not open security doors on its own.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.
  • Changing the Artifact’s appearance does not allow you to conceal its Alien nature while any of its other Effects are in use.

Stock Legendary Artifact Gifts

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You have 6 Armor, which reduces incoming Damage. Armor from multiple sources does not stack.

Your Armor cannot be destroyed, and it always provides a minimum of 2 Armor regardless of any Armor shredding or penetration. It cannot be circumvented with Called Shots. When shredded, it returns to full potency in one hour.

Any time your Armor prevents Damage, your Armor rating is temporarily decreased by 2. Whenever it goes five Rounds without preventing any Damage, it is restored back to its full value.

  • Armor recharging happens automatically and does not require an Action.
  • This Effect’s Armor rating cannot be increased by any other Effects.

Expend a point of Battery and spend an Action.

You automatically detect all people wielding weapons within 300 feet of you for the next hour. This includes any who come within range during the duration. You have a sense of how many valid targets are nearby, as well as their distance and direction.

  • This Effect does not satisfy the line of sight targeting requirement for other Effects.

This Artifact cannot be broken. If this Artifact is lost and in no one else’s possession, it finds its way back to its true owner during the next Downtime.

By default, the creator of this Artifact is its true owner. The true owner may formally bequeath this Artifact onto another person within arm’s reach, after which they are its true owner. If the true owner dies or is destroyed, their ownership ends. If this Artifact has no true owner, anyone may spend one day attuning to it to become its true owner.

This Artifact's true owner is always aware of the direction and distance to this Artifact.

  • "Cannot be broken" means that damage cannot render the Artifact's Effects unusable, nor can it cease to be used for its primary mundane purpose, if it has one.

This Artifact holds 5 times what it normally could inside of it. Objects stored inside are weightless.

Living things can be stored in this Artifact. They will have access to anything else inside and may attempt to break free, damaging or destroying the Artifact in the process.

If this Artifact is destroyed, things inside may get out, and it will cease to function until it is repaired.

When scanned or investigated without opening, the contents of this container appear normal and unremarkable.

If anyone other than you opens the container, it appears empty. Others can still destroy it to get at the contents.

  • A container of holding cannot be placed inside another created by the same Gift.
  • There is no cost to use this container.

This Artifact can be used as a blimp. It is roughly the same size as a blimp but can be collapsed into a phone-sized canvas cube and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

This blimp has full science laboratory, bullet-proof envelope, and ample parachutes. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Crew of One: You alone may stand in for an entire crew if the vehicle would normally be piloted by more than one.
  • Mind of its Own: This vehicle can move and take Actions without you driving it. It has seven dice for all Drive rolls.
  • No Muffler: Any stealth rolls made to hide your vehicle automatically fail, and any rolls made to notice your vehicle automatically succeed.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.