Silent Coach Ask Not For Whom La Cucaracha Honks

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An extraordinary spectral RV.
Used by BETH☠️METAL, Created by lesbianspacepirate.
On Legendary Artifact Beth's Tour Bus.

Charred and triumphant, BETH☠️METAL's exploded tour bus returns to the land of the living once more. Still, neither of them seem to have returned unaltered.

Noli respicere post tergum in infernum.


This Artifact can be used as a spectral RV. It is roughly the same size as a spectral RV and just as difficult to conceal.

This spectral RV has soundproofing. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Mind of its Own: This vehicle can move and take Actions without you driving it. It has seven dice for all Drive rolls.
  • Steady As She Goes: The motion of your vehicle never causes your passengers dice penalties, and you do not suffer dice penalties from the unsteadiness of any vehicle you are riding in.


Community Functional Gifts

Shortly after returning from his first contract, Kal does his usual repairs to his RV and checks all of his supplies, when he hears a high-pitched whistling that seems to be hurtling towards his location. Just as the whistling gets to its loudest he hears a large crash right outside of his RV, on investigation he finds a Crater with what seems to be a perfectly crafted steel bracelet. Upon putting on the bracelet he hears a voice "hello there!" immediately, Kal looks around, eventually realizing the voice is originating from the bracelet. "hello?" Kal says while tapping the bracelet. Immediately after tapping on the bracelet it unfurls into an amalgamation of flesh and steel, vaguely resembling a handgun. Interested, Kal aims towards a tree and fires, the gun glows green when an energy projectile fires off into the tree leaving a hole slightly bigger than a normal bullet. Interested, Kal begins to fire off more rounds, "14, 15, Damn you don't run out do you?" A mouth suddenly emerges on the side of the gun, "Nope! I dont run out and I can turn into a bracelet so you can hide me! I'm the perfect killing tool! Perfect for somebody like you...".

This Artifact can be used as a rifle. It is roughly the same size as a rifle but can be collapsed into a bracelet and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Firearms, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +5 Weapon Damage.

This item is a living thing. When targeted, it counts as a Living Creature in addition to its other target types. If destroyed or abandoned for more than two days, it dies and becomes unusable.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Infinite Ammo: This weapon never runs out of its standard ammunition.
  • You may spend a Quick Action to change this firearm's base stats into those of any other basic firearm.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.
  • Changing this weapon's base type affects its range, Weapon Damage, concealability, and roll. Other mechanics of the chosen base firearm (such as the tripod requirement for sniper rifles) apply.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.
  • Rifles are +1 Difficulty to use in melee range. Sniper Rifles are +3 Difficulty to use without a tripod or in melee range. Setting up a tripod takes an Action.

This Artifact can be used as a shotgun. It is roughly the same size as a shotgun and just as difficult to conceal.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Firearms, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +5 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Infinite Ammo: This weapon never runs out of its standard ammunition.
  • You may spend a Quick Action to change this firearm's base stats into those of any other basic firearm.

  • Changing this weapon's base type affects its range, Weapon Damage, concealability, and roll. Other mechanics of the chosen base firearm (such as the tripod requirement for sniper rifles) apply.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.
  • Rifles are +1 Difficulty to use in melee range. Sniper Rifles are +3 Difficulty to use without a tripod or in melee range. Setting up a tripod takes an Action.

This Artifact can be used as a handgun. It is roughly the same size as a handgun and just as difficult to conceal.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Firearms, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +4 Weapon Damage.

This item is a living thing. When targeted, it counts as a Living Creature in addition to its other target types. If destroyed or abandoned for more than two days, it dies and becomes unusable.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Bane: Injuries dealt to spectral are increased by 2 Severity levels.
  • Infinite Ammo: This weapon never runs out of its standard ammunition.
  • You may spend a Quick Action to change this firearm's base stats into those of any other basic firearm.
  • Virtuoso's Vessel: When using this Device for its primary purpose, you always roll a minimum of 8 dice. Excludes Effect activation rolls.

  • Changing this weapon's base type affects its range, Weapon Damage, concealability, and roll. Other mechanics of the chosen base firearm (such as the tripod requirement for sniper rifles) apply.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.
  • Rifles are +1 Difficulty to use in melee range. Sniper Rifles are +3 Difficulty to use without a tripod or in melee range. Setting up a tripod takes an Action.

Inspired during her work reverse-engineering a T.O.P. Suit, Ware has realized the ability to hide what she's wearing while she's wearing it is even better than the ability to quickly make it disappear.

This Artifact can change its appearance. When not transformed, it is roughly the same size as a Exo-Skeleton and just as difficult to conceal.

Spend a Quick Action to activate. This Artifact changes its appearance into an Object within the category of Apparel. This lasts until you decide to end the Effect, which may be done as a Free Action.

The new object's appearance can mimic specific items (such as a particular painting, a certain person’s ID, etc), but must be of a similar size and weight to this Artifact.

The new appearance is illusory; it will hold up to scrutiny, but its composition is not altered and it gains no new functionality. Any attempt to use it for a function which it cannot perform (for instance, making bread look like a knife and then trying to stab someone) will cause the illusion to fail or allow a Perception check to see through the illusion, at the GM's discretion.

When used as identification and scanned, the scanner will act appropriately and bring up appropriate generic information. Further searches for the identity in the computer will turn up no results. This will not open security doors on its own.

  • Changing the Artifact’s appearance does not allow you to conceal its Alien nature while any of its other Effects are in use.

This Artifact can be used as a motorcycle. It is roughly the same size as a motorcycle but can be collapsed into a flip phone and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

This motorcycle has rear twin disk brakes, specially tuned suspension, and a support AI named Sheryll. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Flying Car: Your vehicle may also fly at its normal speed. Taking off takes a full Action.
  • Mind of its Own: This vehicle can move and take Actions without you driving it. It has seven dice for all Drive rolls.
  • Flying Solo: Your vehicle cannot have any passengers.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.

Stock Functional Gifts

This Artifact can be used as a sword / axe. It is roughly the same size as a sword / axe and just as difficult to conceal.

Attack by rolling Brawn + Melee, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +4 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Mjolnir: You may call your weapon back to your hand as a Quick Action if it is within 50 feet of you. Can only be used on melee weapon that you have wielded in the past hour.
  • Shredder: If you successfully hit your target, the value of any Armor they are wearing is reduced by 2. For material armor, this penalty lasts until it is repaired. For intrinsic armor, it lasts until the end of Combat and any relevant wound is healed.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

This Artifact can be used as a blimp. It is roughly the same size as a blimp but can be collapsed into a phone-sized canvas cube and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

This blimp has full science laboratory, bullet-proof envelope, and ample parachutes. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Crew of One: You alone may stand in for an entire crew if the vehicle would normally be piloted by more than one.
  • Mind of its Own: This vehicle can move and take Actions without you driving it. It has seven dice for all Drive rolls.
  • No Muffler: Any stealth rolls made to hide your vehicle automatically fail, and any rolls made to notice your vehicle automatically succeed.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.

This Artifact can be used as a bow. It is roughly at least twice as large as a bow and cannot be concealed on your person or disassembled for storage.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Athletics, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +3 Weapon Damage. Attacks do not require a successful called shot to do damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Infinite Ammo: This weapon never runs out of its standard ammunition.
  • Leave No Trace: Your projectiles crumble or vanish after impact, leaving no meaningful trace of your assault beyond the wounds they leave. If your attack would kill or incapacitate your target, they make no sound, even incidentally, for the next Round.

  • This Artifact cannot be disguised or morphed with other Effects like Shape-Changing object.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

This Artifact can change its appearance. When not transformed, it is roughly the same size as a passport but can be collapsed into a wallet and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

Spend a Quick Action to activate. This Artifact changes its appearance into a chosen Object. This lasts until you decide to end the Effect, which may be done as a Free Action.

The new object's appearance can mimic specific items (such as a particular painting, a certain person’s ID, etc), but must be of a similar size and weight to this Artifact.

The new appearance is illusory; it will hold up to scrutiny, but its composition is not altered and it gains no new functionality. Any attempt to use it for a function which it cannot perform (for instance, making bread look like a knife and then trying to stab someone) will cause the illusion to fail or allow a Perception check to see through the illusion, at the GM's discretion.

When used as identification and scanned, the scanner will act appropriately and bring up appropriate generic information. Further searches for the identity in the computer will turn up no results. This will not open security doors on its own.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.
  • Changing the Artifact’s appearance does not allow you to conceal its Alien nature while any of its other Effects are in use.

This Artifact can change its appearance. When not transformed, it is roughly the same size as a passport and just as difficult to conceal.

Exert your Mind and spend an Action to activate. This Artifact changes its appearance into an Object within the category of forms of identification. This lasts until you decide to end the Effect, which may be done as a Free Action.

The new object's appearance can mimic specific items (such as a particular painting, a certain person’s ID, etc), but must be of a similar size and weight to this Artifact.

The new appearance is illusory; it will hold up to scrutiny, but its composition is not altered and it gains no new functionality. Any attempt to use it for a function which it cannot perform (for instance, making bread look like a knife and then trying to stab someone) will cause the illusion to fail or allow a Perception check to see through the illusion, at the GM's discretion.